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#284085 - 04/18/09 12:52 AM Triggers* Fun *Triggers
Marinan Offline

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 330
Hi guys...
I'm back for a little while. I was wondering, how come sometimes when I got raped or molested I felt like I was so pretty and beautiful? I mean, I remember wishing I was a girl just so I could enjoy having such a hot guy doing me. I guess that, looking back on it, I really felt terrible for years, all through Elementary School, Junior High, and High School, feeling like I was worthless piece of ____.

Edited by Marinan (04/18/09 12:54 AM)

#284540 - 04/20/09 05:13 AM Re: Triggers* Fun *Triggers [Re: Marinan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2614
Loc: Central PA
I think the answer lies in your own statement...

You mention feeling worthless.... at that time, during the abuse... somewhere inside you, you felt wanted. You felt like at that moment you had some value to that person.

That's one of the crappy things about CSA. It screws up our view of love and affection. Many survivors will tell you that at times they enjoyed it or felt loved or what have you.

When we're neglected by those who should be loving us, it makes it easy for those with evil intentions to move in and capitalize on our need to be love and accepted.

#289483 - 05/30/09 02:25 PM Re: Triggers* Fun *Triggers [Re: JustScott]
LowSky Offline

Registered: 05/30/09
Posts: 35
Loc: Glen Burnie,MD
After one time of abuse when we were laying there I told my abuser "I love you" it looked at me and said "no you just love getting screwed" Talk about messed up. Hell, I was just 13, what did I know? My father had committed suicide just 3 months earlier and I felt somehow I was to blame. After many years I came to the fact he commited suicide on his own by his own hand. I had nothing to do with it. But, the damage was done. As the song says " I was looking for love in all the wrong places." All I wanted was a safe male to say he loved me, just for me.

Edited by LowSky (05/30/09 02:32 PM)
Hate destroys not the hated but, the hater.



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