Sometime between the ages of five and seven I was sexually abused by my cousin. He was much older and a person I looked up to, I wanted to be like him, not anymore. I was seduced into fellating him after he had done the same to me. Later this was followed with "humping" as he called it. I was penetrated. This abuse went on for several years until I beleive he went away to college. I never told anyone. I bottled up my pain and shame and tried to forget it. This January after being alone my whole life I told a dear friend my horrible secret. I could not have chosen a better person to tell my story to. Jane (not her real name) had been abused as a child as well, something I did not know. Jane went for therapy in her early 20's and was now a happily married well adjusted mother of two. She had the most amazing insight and nurturing way about her. She told me that the shame I felt was not mine, I had no reason for shame. She told me to drag my abuse out into the light and expose it for what it was, a horrible thing that happened to an innocent child. With her encouragement I began to tell trusted friends of my abuse. Eventually I got the strenght through my friends to seek professional help. I began seeing a therapist in early March of this year. At first I told my therapist that I would never reveal my abuse to my family. My therapist Maria never prodded me to tell my family. Two weeks ago I told my sister, she came from California to New York to help me tell my mother. I was humbled by her display of support. I still lean fairly heavily on my friends, they continue to amaze me. I lean particularly hard on Jane, she told me that she was glad to be able to help me. That doing so allowed some good to come from her personal pain. I hope someday to be able help someone else like they have helped me.