So I think I have burned myself out. Last night I drank for the first time in close to 3 weeks. I'm ashamed that I did. The past couple weeks have been so hard on me. I'm exhausted and feel so alone.
When my secret (and my dads) was thrust into the spotlight on May 15, I wanted to just die. But I started talking to my mom a bit and even a couple old friends that I haven't seen in a while. For the first time in a long time things seemed like maybe they would be ok.
But it takes so much out of me reliving what happened. Over and over all day every day and night I am being forced to deal with this. The nightmares are so real lately. It is so much easier to block it out and put on my game face. Just pretend everything is peachy.
So I drank last night and drowned my problems away. Til I woke up with a headache of course.
I want to drink again right now. It's so crazy that one day I think things are going well, then they aren't the next.
My last post was so happy. I had a good day.
Today is not a good day. Hope tomorrow is better.