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#288962 - 05/26/09 10:10 PM Re-Programming vs. Submissiveness
wifeofsurvivor Offline

Registered: 05/16/09
Posts: 9
I really would like to be the Submissive little wife that allows her husband to be the head of the family. HOWEVER, I often feel I am trying to reprogram his brain for what is "normal" in my eyes. This makes me feel like a badgering old lady instead of encouraging him to be the leader.

Do you re-train or just be submissive and let him learn on his own.

#288985 - 05/27/09 12:54 AM Re: Re-Programming vs. Submissiveness [Re: wifeofsurvivor]
sweet-n-sour Offline

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear wos:

I think in a healthy marriage the recipe is somewhere in the range of equal parts. Normal has a variety of definitions and what you may view as normal, may be far from it by someone else's standards. A lot has to do with how we were raised and if that too leads towards ab-normal then the scale is way off balance, yes? Instead of looking at this as one way or the other, why not instead invent your own life together? I suspect you both will find much happiness and great satisfaction in creating an entirely different path to walk hand in hand, side by side.

As far as re-training anyone, I just can't understand this concept. I believe in my heart of all hearts in just loving "as is" but setting strong boundaries for issues that do not bring honor to the relationship. Aside from that, life is a learning experience for us all, survivor or non-survivor.


"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

#288986 - 05/27/09 01:14 AM Re: Re-Programming vs. Submissiveness [Re: sweet-n-sour]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
I think trying to change or re-train or reprogram is a recipe for disaster.

It's my opinion that eventually such attempts will backfire and will be met with lots and lots of anger.

I know for me, the thought of anyone trying or attempting to manipulate or control me is the quick route to my anger hitting the ceiling.

It's a control issue, and from my time here...... most if not all survivors have them.


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