Newest Members
jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo, Orko, molander
13593 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Etele (22), isign2u (55), Mark R. (66), noid (68), TheTraveler (55)
Who's Online
8 registered (Older1, Noah Barrett, mbwd, Searching13, 3 invisible), 22 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,593 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,678 Topics
493,613 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#288269 - 05/21/09 06:20 AM I Shall Beg No More...
Whicker Offline

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
These past few months have been extremely difficult.
I thought moving to a new place, starting-over, would really help me get over/through my issues.
What I didn't count on was that the grief of loosing my SoulMate of 17 years would slam into me like a jackhammer, now that "I" had free time. When being so alone would begin to manifest (wereas before, I was homeless, in 'Survival Mode', and couldn't afford to deal with things, while trying to stay alive/healthy)...
I've had to reach-out, time and again, asking for help, only to be choked with red-tape by a System that really doesn't give a rat's ass...

So, I wrote this. It's venting. It's about anger, and desperation.

Do not be afraid,
To ask for some help,
They all say with a smile.

So few I have met,
Fewer still seem to care,
Much less walk my proverbial mile.

For How many years,
Ignored and dismissed,
Is One supposed to endure such strife?

Each hour-by-hour,
Agony that is now my Life.

The internal wounds,
So deep and so broad,
Seen and felt only by me.

So I cut and I rend,
Mine own well-scarred flesh,
Hoping that now they will see!?

The day now draws near,
I feel its final approach,
My Spirit, broken and rent.

I kneel in the Dark,
Shut tight my wet eyes,
My Strength and Will fully spent!

With a long exhaled breath,
I will take those last steps,
Smiling as I pass through that Door.

Never again shall I know,
The pain and misery of this Life,
And I shall Beg again no more!

This is no 'Final Note.'
This is not a Surrender!

It is just a way to help me through yet another terrible Day...


Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

#288469 - 05/22/09 06:57 PM Re: I Shall Beg No More... [Re: Whicker]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Well Said!!!! Well Done!!!!

#289289 - 05/28/09 11:50 PM Re: I Shall Beg No More... [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I'm glad this is a coping tool and not a final note of surrender. I have so often found that allowing myself to be creative - through poetry or music - is a great way to pull together the strength I needed to get through a bad spot. I wish you all the very best.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.