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#287821 - 05/17/09 03:10 PM Lost
kellticwarrior Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/10/08
Posts: 97
Loc: vancouver,b.c.,canada
Lost

somehow, somewhere I have lost myself,
pieces of me have been fragmented,
there is a part of me that is essentially the same,
but there are many corners of my mind
that are not.

death, love, disappointment, failure, pain,
these have all affected me in ways
that i could not have imagined,
they have molded me into someone
that i barely know anymore...
and i don't care.

i look in the mirrior, studying the face
that gazes back at me.
i don't recognize the person in there,
...and i don't care.

i don't understand where my confidence
has gone,
somehow it has all dissappeared,
i used to be filled with it,
i never used to be afraid of anything,
now with an uncertain future before me,
i am truly lost.

i lay in the dark silence,
listening to the falling rain,
it drums out its haunting rythym,
against the hollow window pane,
i wonder if there will come a day,
when i can be myself again.



_________________________
Love heals everything

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#287824 - 05/17/09 03:26 PM Re: Lost [Re: kellticwarrior]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Kelly,

You hit on a serious issue here; I think so many of us feel we don't recognize ourselves any longer. But in my experience that can be a good thing. I felt very uncomfortable once I began to shed some of the old false feelings I had about myself, but now I see that this was because I was launching myself into unfamiliar territory, and that felt dangerous, or at least unsettling. I felt like I had a wonderful new set of tools, but no idea how to use them and no clue about what I wanted to build with them.

Do we get to "be ourselves" again? Sure, I think so. But at the same time we are constantly growing and learning, and some of the lessons a survivor learns in recovery have a powerful influence on him. Perhaps the best way to look at this would be to say we are reshaping ourselves into a different version of "me", but one not hampered by all the abuse issues. That's surely a good thing.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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