Riz - I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I have been delusional, that I've made the whole thing up. But that's what it means to be a "co-survivor." The Abuse reaches up to injure US, too.
Rainbow - how well I know about that "fake self!" But he is more comfortable "being" the person he pretends to be rather than risking being Real with me. And, on some level, he resents and blames me for troubling his conscience. After all - he gets "applause" for being the fake self. All he gets for being Real is.... Love. He doesn't see very much value in Love, although his Fake Self talks a real good game about it.
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel