To answer your initial question about "when do you know it is over?" That of course, depends on you.
I bring a few thoughts to this discussion. First, we all have an equal stake in our committed relationships. IF one person is acting out or not bringing honor to the relationship then some strong boundaries must be established to set this balance right again. Pretending the acting out is not happening will never make it disappear.
During the most difficult moments of this experience I have often considered a simple thought: To have a good partner, I must be a good partner. What would I expect from my husband if I were in his shoes? Would I want him to sit back and be silent or tell me that my behavior was unacceptable? Would I want him to challenge me to be the best that I could possibly be, to heal, to be an active part of our family's life? Of course I would. I have concluded that if a relationship is meant to survive, it will...both will do everything possible to make it last, if it was not meant to last, then it will not. ...but to give up without working through anything would cause a forever sort of wondering, "what if?"
It has been my experience that anything of value in life often takes hard work and determination.
My husband is a survivor of CSA. He is acting out homosexually. We have children, therefore I want to do everything I can to help him.
When do you know that the marriage is over and there is no hope?
I am so lonely and can not talk to him about it, so I act as if nothing is wrong.
Please help me if you have been in this situation.
Thanks in advance.