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#286547 - 05/07/09 04:13 AM get the hell away from me
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Whenever I am surrounded by crowds or by people approaching me on the street I feel the same things. I realize it is irrational but I can't help it sometimes. My apologies. JS

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#286612 - 05/07/09 01:47 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: jls]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: durham, north england
me as well.

crowds just make me feel uncomfortable, and the closer I have to get to members of a crowd the more uncomfortable I feel.

Being physically touched (especially by more than one person), really causes me problems.

#286615 - 05/07/09 02:28 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: dark empathy]
ComicBookGuy Offline

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
I'm getting better with crowds and even coping with conversations with more than one person at a time - but sometimes involuntarily put my head down when it gets too much and then people think I'm nuts.

If anyone's beaten it I'd be grateful to know what they did, but in a Guerilla CBT style I just keep deliberately going out into the city and walking around and convincing myself that it's not all about me, people aren't staring at me and when I hear laughter they're not immediately talking to/about me, which I used to be paranoid about.


#286618 - 05/07/09 03:08 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: ComicBookGuy]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
I don't do crowds - period!

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#286621 - 05/07/09 04:01 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: ComicBookGuy]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5793
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yea, cbg, that's where i figure i am too these days. once i got over the whole 'it's not about me' thing, then i fell into a different hole: the 'well if it's not about me, then what is it about' hole.

no i often times feel even more invisible than i did before, because if it's not about me, then it feels empty.

this thread made me remember how when i became of age and started going to bars how i used to just sit in the back of the bar where i could see whoever came in, and would just be like this wallflower that no one seemed to noticed. it was depressing. i didn't know ho to talk to people, not that people strung out in bars had anything worth saying while buzzed, LOL but i still wanted to be wanted, to be desired, to be popular. the year i turned 21 was the year my perp brother died. and so i can see how i would have been dealing with an awful loneliness. but this just goes to show me, how limited my socialization skills were. prior to those times, the only people that i was allowed to talk to were people in my family. that's how taboo intersecting with society at large was. nobody in my family did it, and we had no friends or visitors outside the immediate family circle of my parents brothers and sisters and their kids, my cousins.

i for one never had experiences that teach socializing skills and it has rendered its tragic results in my present leaving me incapable of developing 'just because' relationships.

i am feeling rather depressed about that these days if i am honest, but something else kicks me in the shins to remind me that perhaps i am ready to learn this lesson now, because i was not of the previous understanding to fathom the truth of my life in this topic.

with those depressive feelings also come anger that i missed out early on in the life the opportunity to avail myself of the economy of social commerce. missed that 'talent' completely. and it's not that i don't believe i don't have it in me, but rather that because i was never encouraged to have friends outside the family, so therefore those rites of passage were never wired in.

as they say, back to the drawing board, which means turning and facing the drawing board for the first time in my life......and i don't know what to write on that's a feeling i am well acquainted with: the fear of the blank slate, and all the choices that could be realized. which ones to chose, and which one's to let slip through my fingers ..... and inside i feel too tired to care about it anymore.



Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC
  1. the past
  2. advocacy

#286622 - 05/07/09 04:13 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: Sans Logos]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

I could have written practically every word of your above post.

Why doesn't it feel at least somewhat comforting to me to know that I'm not the only one..........

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#286630 - 05/07/09 05:54 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: joelRT]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I have certainly had my share of social phobia. I took a test once that said I had some schizoid traits. This does not mean schizophrenic, but it means loner, or hermit, or introvert. In other words I used to be painfully shy.

The good news is that this is changing. I am getting to the point now that I will start up small conversations with people in public. I ask them questions. If you do it right they will reply. Most people will be congenial.

In my counseling situations now I often bring up people. I ask my T how to talk to this or that person. What does that kind of a comment mean? How do I handle such and such kind of personal situation, etc.

Another thing that has helped me is to understand people better. Now I know how to recognize some personality types. If I can spot a narcissistic person, I know they will not respond well to a conversation. Neither will a sociopathic person. If you can recognize a psychopath, just don't mess with them. There are other personalities to avoid. There are books out about such things and they can help us.


pufferfish whistle

#286640 - 05/07/09 07:19 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: pufferfish]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

I too struggle in social gartherings. But i am more aware of why and just give myself time to adjust and become more comfortable. Never totally comfortable until i'm back home. I went to wor in march and at first I was ok because I was one of the first to arrive but later in the day when we had to introduce ourselves I got trigered. Luckly we had a small group meeting right afterwards and was able to process the feelings. After that I just focused on one to one interaction and things got better.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#286646 - 05/07/09 07:46 PM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: michael banks]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my brothers/friends.

Yes I also struggle at gatherings of people. I was and still am mostly a loner. I never was taught much in the emotional/social skills field.

In crowds I usually stay along the walls, alone in my thoughts, if I see someone coming toward me I usually move away.

When someone starts a conversation, I just don't know what to say.

But while in the military it was very difficult to manage this lack of social skill. We always started the duty day with a formation. We were expected to attend all social functions and interact with our brothers in arms. It was a difficult process for me. But I coped the best that I could. I still am a social clod.

Heal well my brothers/friends.

Pete (Irishmoose)

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#286742 - 05/08/09 11:35 AM Re: get the hell away from me [Re: petercorbett]
pseudo Offline

Registered: 04/06/09
Posts: 33
Loc: Wisconsin
Yeah, I get REALLY uncomfortable around people. Especially when I feel like I'm "expected" to mingle or socialize or whatever. It feels so awkward and forced and scary ... I just want to say "Get the hell away from me!" But then I feel depression and self-hatred because I can't connect with people, and because I think I don't even want to.


The sun has left the sky, now you can close your eyes, leave all the world behind until tomorrow.

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