i am grievously sorry you had to go through that, and that now you have to live the the effects. please don't give up. you can learn to live with these memories surrounded by your friends and brothers here at male survivor.
you are a good person full of talent and potential, with a huge contribution to make, especially to those who, like you, have come to these gates to find healing. keep the faith jess, what ever that is to you. i know you know this, but it always bears repeating: you're not alone now.
(((((((( jesse ))))))))
keeping you in thought and prayer,
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC