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#286336 - 05/05/09 12:39 PM The Group Experience
Juni Offline

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
The Group Experience

I went to a group meeting for the first time last Sunday. I have to confess I was nervous. I made arrangements to meet a recovery brother, who has been incredibly supportive, who had attended previously. We had supper and talked for a while before heading to the meeting. He did his best to alleviate any fears.

I had planned to be there a bit early and despite getting lost we were able to get there about 20 minutes before. Everything went well right up to the point when we pulled up to the place. I got that all too familiar pain in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t believe I was finally there but my first instinct was to leave. However, having Dan with me now made that difficult. A little voice inside my head said, “be a man.” The truth is it was embarrassing to find myself so uneasy in front of another man. Dan was very supportive and understood. He didn’t push me or tell me to grow some balls. We waited for a while, I zoned out for a bit, took some deep breaths, and we got out and went in.

The host greeted us with a warm smile. I introduced myself and exchanged hellos with a couple of the guys that were also there. The place was friendly and welcoming. He offered us something to drink and we engaged in some small talk. I sat in the corner facing the door and others arrived. I wondered about what I had done and why. It was a small group of about six. The men were friendly and understanding. We were given some information about how the meeting was structured and we got started.

The meeting was fruitful. I had an opportunity to listen and share when I was comfortable to do so. The men were giving and open. Their strength gave me strength. Seeing them at ease put me at ease. When I was ready to share the little kid in me came out after being hidden for several weeks. I let it out. The emotions and pain that once again I tried to hide, put away, and silence in the days past. It was draining but I knew it needed to happen. I kept thinking of the things my T had said, “it’s OK to feel, it is time to let it happen and work through them.”

Overall, the meeting was liberating. There are real people out there who went through some real stuff! It’s not just me anymore. I am not alone. It’s not just a computer with information and words inside it that flash on a screen. A brick wall. These guys are real people trying to heal and who want to help; validating my feelings and experiences. My only regret? I would not be able to attend another meeting for some time.

I want to thank the facilitator and the men that took part in that meeting. Most of all I want to thank my friend Dan, a brave fellow and deep thinker. I also want to encourage others to get to a meeting if they have the opportunity to do so. And I want to exhort all survivors to be advocates for the resources, support, and change needed to make resources available to others who suffered and continue to suffer the effects of CSA.


Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

#286341 - 05/05/09 01:47 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: Juni]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160

All i can say is WOW. I think that is awesome i to advocate fro the resources, support, and change....continue to suffer the effects of CSA. Can you get me more information on where other meetings for survivors are. It is my understanding that the ones with a facilitator (therapist) present are the best.

Congratualations on overcoming your negative feelings about going to the meeting.

This post is extremely inspirational.


My Story

#286346 - 05/05/09 03:00 PM ... [Re: Juni]
St3v3n Offline

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102

#286347 - 05/05/09 03:04 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: St3v3n]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

Congrats man smile that's a huge step! And yeah, it's always terrifying walking into a new group!

You did real well and you have every reason to be proud of yourself over this!

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#286355 - 05/05/09 04:49 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: joelRT]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

You did it!!! Finally got to the meeting you have been wanting to attend.
When you were describing the fear you were feeling and the desire to turn around and run. Also sitting in a chair facing the door as people came in. I felt you were talking about how I feel in new social situations. No wonder we have connected we are so much a like in this regard.
I am glad Dan was there to be with you and to provide you with some support. I am sure you did the same for him. How I envy how there seems be be a group of men there so willing to reach out to each other. You,Dan,Craig64,Ken F and all the other men you met in that group on sunday. In time who knows you may have a good core group to impact the whole state of Florida.
Thanks for the update and keep us posted on what is happening.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#286374 - 05/05/09 06:40 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: michael banks]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

You never were's all a matter of perception. Still there is a certain majic about personally finding someone and being able to relate in a, " to" sharing sort of way.

I am surrounded by water and highly doubt I will get a chance to attend any sort of relative meeting (and I feel, I live in a too tight knit community to get anything started)...yet still I have managed, a few one on one meetings in a more personal setting.

I have found my personal meetings to be quite cathartic...a way of processing and desensitizing my feelings surrounding the subject.

I really does work, if we work it...and the possibilities really are endless...

Now, that you have felt the majic, I am sure you will be back for more...!!!

Stand up, Get Tough and Don't stop the fight (Fastway)


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#286383 - 05/05/09 08:23 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: Juni]
myboyhoodfears Offline

Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457

Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:53 PM)
Post Nubilia Pheobus

#286385 - 05/05/09 08:40 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: myboyhoodfears]
mike5 Offline

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 171
Loc: Cleveland, OH
thanks for posting about your group experience Juni. We are going to have our first group meeting here in Indianapolis on Sunday afternoon and I'm already starting to feel anxious. Usually I "deal" with this issue by not dealing with it. It inspires me to hear about men who are able to approach it directly.

Peace, Mike

#286387 - 05/05/09 09:15 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: 1islandboy]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii

Cheers and tears, sincerely

Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

#286390 - 05/05/09 09:39 PM Re: The Group Experience [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
Anarion Cti Offline

Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Eastern US
I'm so glad to hear that it went well for you, Juni! Recovery takes courage, but it's well worth it! I think half the healing will come as you support others as well. Remember, you are as valuable to others as they are to you! You have something to contribute, which may change someone's life forever in a wonderful way!

"Thou, O Lord, are the shield about me;
You're my helper,
You're the one who lifts up my head."
"Whom have I in heaven or earth but You?"


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