I've said for years that "Problems are portable". They go with you no matter where you go. You can temporarily block memories and issues (with alcohol, sex, drugs, and other diversions) but they always come back until they're effectively dealt with.
Think about it as a toothache. The cause of the pain is some kind of infection. You can distract yourself from thinking or feeling the pain for short times. You can numb the pain with aspirin or other pain killers, but until the dentist goes in and cleans out the infection, the source of the pain will remain.
All the wishing and hoping in the world will not make the pain or your painful memories go away. You have to confront them in therapy to get a handle on them and move from being a victim to someone who is a survivor. The survivor knows and remembers what happened but his emotions don't keep him trapped in the victim place any more.
It takes a lot of courage to face the demons, but remember, you are no longer in danger like you were when the abuse happened. It is just your memories and the feelings that are connected to them that makes it so painful.
This place is filled with men who understand and have had the same kind of experiences that make you feel the only way out is suicide. They are living proof that things can and WILL get better, but you have to begin to face the demons in therapy with someone who can help you.
If your experiences with the first therapist have not been good, find another (see "A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" in the home page under "Find a Therapist").
You can heal and feel better.
Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse