Following my end of my friendship with what was left of my Gay friends I went to see my 1st Therapist. She was great. We worked on My Mental problems and she gave a little confidence. Then about 6 months into our sessions she had to return to Conn. To help with Family problems. She took me to a male therapist. He was OK very good looking had red hair, was about 5 or 6 years older than I. He became fasinated with my CSA. We talked about it all the time. Then one day he explained that mental therapy sometimes involved physical help. 1st we just made out. Said I'd feel better if we did this. Finally he would stand behind in front of a mirror and would touch my chest. Rubbing it. The whole time telling me I was the best lookin guy he'd known in a long time. He was married and had 1 child. When I asked why was doing this since he was married. He said it was part of the Therapy process. Soon afterward I quit seeing him. He said he was very disappointed in me.
I never went to a therapist till 1984. To deal with my sexual abuse. During the period from 1977-1984 I had bad relationships. With men. I tryed Dating girls, but my relationships with them ended quickly. I had few friends. Any male friendship ended in disaster. To top it all off I looked like I do today with dark hair. I had a bad opinion of myself I felt ugly no matter what anyone said to me I was ugly.
I tryed to kill myself 6 times the last ending me in a Psych ward in OKC. I got out by making a threat to my life.
After 1984, I still felt the same. I went to work for ORU. Still things weren't right. I was angry all the time. Vengeful. Hated everything. I drove my nephews away from me. Made my Brother in law hate me. My parents were of no support. My Mother blamed me for the abuse. My Dad just showed no emotion. My Brother and sister-law were as little supportive. My Other Sister said I made it all up to get attention from Mama and Daddy. My youngest Sister believed me, but didn't know what to do.
Fiainally after a short afair that I was blamed for. I had nervous breakdown. My Dad asked me to move home so he and Mama could keep and I on me. Then they got sick and I became
I worked SEARS for 13 years. Retiring because of health issues. Then on to disability.
Still nothing was right till Oct of last year and I began to take Fluxetine. 2 days after I started taking it I felt different. All the problems I use worry myself about were gone. I felt I was a mature man for the 1st time in my life. Family really likes me now. All was well till one day I was with my friend Billy and found myself so attracked to him I had to step back. I realized I was Gay and Then I began to want to have make out sessions with him and my friend Mike. Then I found this Site and now, I'm doing better. I have started having a few Bad Dreams after I learned about the other members, especially the teens.
Our years are as the falling leaves-we live we love we dream, and then we go. But somehow we keep hoping don't we that our dreams come true on that Brighter Day.
.........Opening to old radio serial BRUGHT DAY (1948-1956)