I have not feel angry (overtly) in a long time. I know this sounds good but what has replaced it is this overwhelming feeling of shame. I mean i have been forcing myself to dicuss eveything in therapy, and now i feel like there's nowhere to hide.
you know, I really liked feeling outwardly angry and agressive instead of feeling the pervaisive anxiety that has been sticking to me lately.
The aggression made me feel powerful and masculine and strong. and i havent had that in a long time. I think that's why i liked drinking so much, it was instant access to that in wealth of anger-but i think its also what got me in trouble most of the time.
The main problem I face now (there are many) is that Iam stuck in that I have not been moving forward in my life, i guess I've always kinda felt this way and acted it out in always acomplishing what I need to almost to full completion and at the very end sabataging myself and quiting.
I feel sooo much weaker than when i began this prosses in therapy a few months ago-I'm scared to go on with it.
I wanna feel Tough again!
I wanna feel strong and powerful, and not vonurable.
I wanna feel, but not to much so that it feels like its overwhelming and emotional.
I feel like i'm losing my self and my concept of my self as I used to see my self.
I feel scared all the time like i'm transparent. I feel like cowering in the corner, like i have giving in and lost the fight. i don't think i have much or any will to continue fighting.
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"