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#283935 - 04/17/09 12:14 AM Afraid to change
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Seems that if I'm not taking care of myself properly I suffer less memories and reminders of the abuse. However, when I'm eating better, getting more excercise and drinking less they are more frequent and more vivid. I don't know what to do about this since I want my life to move forward yet I feel afraid and stuck. Suggestions are welcome.

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

#284024 - 04/17/09 04:36 PM Re: Afraid to change [Re: jls]
Geeders Offline

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Coping mechanisms can be a real bitch sometimes. When I'm overwhelmed, I cope in not great ways. Smoke and drink too much, don't eat properly, do what ever I need to do to get through. The trick for me is reminding myself of who exactly is in control. Its hard, real hard somedays to stay in control, but with practice I'm getting better at it. I just need to remind myself who is in charge of me now. I am.

You may want to review what your coping mechanisms are with your T if you have one. They can often see things we can't, and that objectivity helps to map out new ways of coping.

Hang in there!


My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

#284066 - 04/17/09 10:46 PM Re: Afraid to change [Re: Geeders]
wes-b Offline

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada
jls my brother...

I think you are at the edge of why many survivors stay isolated. For me there was about 8 years from my initial disclosure to my getting serious about healing. The first time I went to a hand full of therapy sessions and when it got scary I ran away... pretended I was ok... Hell, I simply numbed out with (work/food/sex) and isolated more and more until I turned back to face my demons... slowly at first and them I tipped it all over, leaving no back door for myself.

That said, let me assure you that each fear, wound, scar, issue that I have faced and worked through has taken me to a better overall place... there is still an ebb and flow to my life... the lows are higher than they used to be.

Heck I still have "fuck-it" thoughts.

When I was not working on my healing and recovery I was numb, and had few memories or flashbacks, and was truly unfeeling. I was emotionally dead and disconnected from life. Today I try to choose life, with all of it's uncertainty, and enjoy being alive.

one day at a time. :-)


Edited by wes-b (04/17/09 10:57 PM)
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

#284072 - 04/18/09 12:10 AM Re: Afraid to change [Re: wes-b]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Perhaps its when I'm not taking care of myself that I'm confronted with more immediate concerns i.e. hunger, fatigue, being hung over etc, which allows me to not deal with the deeper underlying issues since all of my time is taken up with trying to get by in the "here and now". Does this make sense to anyone?

Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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