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#274504 - 02/09/09 01:32 AM Re: What is my problem? [Re: blueshift]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Sounds like it is starting off on a positive note. I'm glad. Hope it continues to go this way.

Peace and love...


#278004 - 03/03/09 09:47 AM Re: What is my problem? [Re: blueshift]
nathan555 Offline

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
here are two seperate issues
disclosing the abuse we suffered - for which we were not responsable
and you are comming out

the two are seperate
but sadly many have the same response
or confuse the two
or just don't want to know

sounds like your friend put you being abused and you being gay together

that's neither logical or fair

but life can suck sometimes

I find my biggest biggest barrier to recovery is others denial
those who put up a wall to hide from it

I was wanting support

guess we have to persevere and suffer

blessed are those who have supportive family


#283054 - 04/10/09 11:15 AM Re: What is my problem? [Re: blueshift]
zenobius1025 Offline

Registered: 04/08/09
Posts: 2
I think the epitome of "coming out" really is a personal thing that first MUST be defined by the individual as to WHAT all it is to encompass. I feel that "coming out" simply means not living in denial of one's sexual orientation rather that the go tell it on the mountain approach waving a banner, so to speak, as is often the case with the "typical" gay culture. I say this simply because of my own experiences both when I was single and also now with my partner of nearly five years. He was previously a very active member of the Masonic Lodge, having been through nearly all the major Degrees with his late father. Both he and I are very active members of our local Episcopal church, a rather conservative parish, where we are recognized as a couple. We have never actually "come out" to anyone in the parish.Some things speak for themselves The point I am trying to make here, is that you must define for yourself what coming out is. Is it no longer living in denial or is it telling everyone(waving a banner, so to speak) and inviting stigma and potential rejection in a homophobic ridden society? I suggest tht you only tell those whom you really feel comfortable doing so. But the fact remains that it don't take a rocket scientist to "figure it out" these days and if someone must ask, then they really don't need to be told because it will only invite stigma and social rejection. Just be yourself and true to yourself without going around waving a banner to those who have a problem accepting YOUR reality. Its all about living in harmony with oneself and others ultimately.

#283062 - 04/10/09 12:06 PM Re: What is my problem? [Re: zenobius1025]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
what's my problem.....nothing.....what's everyone else's problem? now that's another question to consider. hey culture! build a bridge.....then get over it! wink on second thought, we'll build the bridge. how do you like them apples?


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#283220 - 04/11/09 05:17 AM Re: What is my problem? [Re: blueshift]
sojourn111 Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 86
Loc: midwest
I am going to cautiously weigh in on this. I am not facing any GBT issues. The SSA resolved early on for me but my situation was not an orientation issue as much as the internal conflict of the CSA at such a young age. So I tread cautiously with my comments out of love and respect for the community and the fact that my confronting the CSA got me further rejected.

You said "What is my problem?"

Bro' let me apologize that you are in a world where orientation and sexuality would be a hostile situation or infer or cause a problem. You are you and who knows the intricacies of our hearts, minds and bodies. Corporate America, the church, even a lot of family rejcted me over just CSA, if society was that hostile to me then I feel for you and my heart goes out to you and your concern.

I want you to know that there is a lot RIGHT with you. Not problems but that there is not another person on the face of this Earth that is like you. You are a unique one of a kind masterpiece. If anybody doesn't see you for that unique individual then they don't deserve to be called friend or family. If they can't see past a personal trait or preference and apreciate you then they have the problem.

If coming out to them helps resolve the tension or hostility of this culture for you then I will hope and pray that it goes well for you. I hope and pray you are met with compassion, love and peace. Again I don't pretend to fully relate or understand but my heart just hurt when I read your posts because no person should ever be unappreciated, devalued, marginalized.

heck the only people Christ had a problem with were the angry, hard hearted religious ones that killed Him. Just know that you deserve to be met with love and nothing else! Absolute love and acceptance. Anything else is their problem not you.

Anyways, if someone hurts you when this all goes down I will volunteer to personally come give them a verbal ass whipping for giving you anything other than Love.

#283241 - 04/11/09 02:40 PM Re: What is my problem? [Re: sojourn111]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
what is my problem? said above, to me I think, nothing at all!

I can only tell you how I felt and feel now. It took me many years to understand my own thoughts and feelings, just who I was. I was so very confused for much of my life, my sexuality. I always felt so bad about myself when I had thoughts and feeling, sexually, and otherwise towards guys and men. "You can't feel that way Ken" "You have 7 siblings that are all straight" "You are expected to get married, have kids and live happily ever after like the rest of your family and friends" I prayed to God daily to take away from me these feelings and "evil" thoughts. This was not me feeling these thoughts, it was someone else doing this to me.

Only after my nightmares started and I could no longer keep my secret of CSA to myself, did I begin to understand just who I was. Through almost 2 years now of my journey of CSA do I now know that I am a gay man and that it is absolutely OK. My thoughts and feelings were and are ME. When I finally came to Peace with myself to just who I am, did I finally feel the relief inside of me that was and still is overwhelming.

What I still am having anxiety with is not everyone, friends and famiy, know about my sexual preference. But with the help of my therapist and group, I am understanding that I don't have to "come out" to anyone. I don't have to wave a banner or proclaim to everyone I feel close to, who I am.

They will figure it out by my actions that I no longer try to hide from others. My partner and I Love each other so very much, and as friends and family see us together, they will either accept me as who I really am or they will not>>>> That to me is their choice to make. AS I said at the beginning, This is their problem, not MINE.

It is not easy to be a survivor of CSA nor is it easy to be gay in a very religious family. Part of my family have disowned me as their brother. They don't "get it". My perp. brother takes no responsibility to how he "hurt" me. It is very sad for me, but I try to understand them and their feelings. My family and others have made their choice. I am who I am and I am true to myself. I feel at peace within my heart and soul. And I know God still loves me. He is the only TRUE friend I will ever need.

Thanks for listening



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


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