Newest Members
UniversalBeing, Squirmish20, Cunobelin, Dean-GMoT, hunterprince
13497 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bluesky (47), Brother B+ (51), emal7717 (56), estuardo (55), JustScott (42), kwf777 (59), LeeAnne (33), mapleleafsn (55), otherside (64), ronnie (62), Scott1962 (55), thrive-n-survive (45), tom3065 (39)
Who's Online
4 registered (betrayed boy, Jay1946, Older1, mikewww), 45 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,497 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,036 Topics
488,930 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4
Topic Options
#282180 - 04/04/09 05:16 AM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: nomansanisland]
coaster Offline

Registered: 04/02/09
Posts: 18
Rob, you did an amazing thing! You got angry and protective. You stood up for your son. BUT you stopped it there. You drew a line and didn't cross it. All for the sake of your son, and your need to make sure he ALWAYS has a dad THERE for him. He MUST Be SO happy now--must have a secret fierce pride!!! Wish I'd had a dad standing up for me when I was a boy, like you stood up for your son.

#282342 - 04/05/09 04:30 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: Still]
GregH Offline

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 4
Loc: Texas
Robbie and Ron

I would like to thank both of you for this message..

Robbie for having the courage to post it... I am way new at this and the thing that is scarring me the most is? " What if after all this has come out, and I have shared it with my wife my theripist, and relived it all over again! What if I cant be helped, what then." Take that initial interview with my T has brought back so much crap to me it is sickening. My wife keeps saying everything will come out all right, and I can tell she hopes it will. God only knows what she will do if it dosnt. Point is I have been wondering myself the WHO? Questions as well. Funny thing everyone says get Help and you can live a normal life.... What if I dont honestly know what normal is! I have never had what I read to be a normal life. And so far all the T session has done for me is make things so much worse.

So thank you Robbie for having the courage, anger, strength, what ever it was to post your msg:

WHO stops self harm?
WHO stays married?
WHO ends the PTSD?
WHO goes on to live a normal life?
WHO can say "I'm now recovered!"

Is it the degree or amplitude of trauma? Or maybe its the character strength of the survivor?

Who gets out of this trench?


Thank you so much as well...

Your statement of:

i don't strive to live a normal life, or to be recovered, as in graduate. i don't have those kinds of expectations. all i want is to reconcile the circumstances that caused me to become a separate 'who' in the first place and to dwell peacefully within the shell of my own skin.

to become a whole 'who' eclipsing the fragmented 'who' of earlier life stages.

My God that speaks to me in so many ways. I cant strive for normal if I have never had it I cant get it back, and if I dont truely know it, how can I attain it. Its like setting a goal for me to obtain and live a " Normal Life " is this fairy tale. And it disheartens me when I see it stated so often the " I want to have a NORMAL LIFE " statement. Or I just want to be normal. I just started seeing a theripist and honestly my expectations of theropy helping me before I went were like finally I can get help!! My wife of 21 years finding out what happened to me as a child, though sooooo embarassing and though I was scared to death of how she would react. Freed me to openly reach out for help finaly, to get a T and to see if I can be helped. Her exact words after finding out were, Honey you need to get help.
And I thanked God that she feels in her heart that I can be helped. After the interview I left that office and cried for first time in 30 years, I couldn't stop crying, I couldnt go home so I parked in WalMart lot for 4 hours crying. I was so hurt and so affraid, and so lost, thinking to myself my God what have I done! And now the nightmares are back, the fear is back, the pain is worse then ever, the shame, guilt, and over all feeling of helplessness, the uges, and worst of all the physical sickness I feel when I sit down at my own table to eat my dinner at night is back! And I am asking myself. Is this better? Is this what is considered living as a survivor? If it is I dont want to survive!

You all the answers to my questions in your relply to Robbie. I dont want normal, I want a free me. And that is what I will now look forward too, on this path of healing, to free myself of the WHO I was and Openly and Freely become the WHO I am...

Sorry so wordy.....

And thank both of you sooooo much.....



#282354 - 04/05/09 05:11 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: GregH]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I just saw this thread and the initial question caught me. I look at my life and in many ways I got off easier than many of you here. My faith in God has been a mainstay of my recovery and my life. But more than that I think I WANTED to heal. I did eveything everyone suggested as a possible avenue of healing. I jumped through some pretty silly hoops but eventually I realized it was up to me. I beleive you can do anything you want to do if you want it bad enough. That is just me. I realize there may be notable exceptions but bottom line I WANTED it bad enough.

This road has led to some pretty unpleasant discoveries about myself, my motives, my fears, and my laziness. Eventually and with some terrific help I was able to work through a lot of that. I am still working, I am still in process of growing up and becoming a man. The answers are out there. They are not hard to find but applying them to your life is the biggest step of all. Knowledge will free you but you have to use that freedom to make positive changes that you discover you need to make. That is were courage comes in.

Good luck.

#282363 - 04/05/09 05:45 PM Re: WHO recovers? [Re: GregH]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
greg, glad you are here, and i am glad i met you in chat the other day. stay strong BROTHER; you are not alone any longer. it gets better as it gets worse, believe it or not! ain't that a kick in the head?


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4

Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.