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#279369 - 03/13/09 11:08 PM Anxiety, Depression
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Hey guys it has been a while since I posted, been doing pretty good so kind of got away from the boards.

Recently I began having such good fortune that I began worrying that it would all be taken away and my stomach began acting up and literaly kicked my butt. I had no clue what it was and went through many test looking for a medical diagnosis with no result. I ended up in a small country doc's office and after some discussion he said, " I think your anxious and I think that is the entire problem." I did not believe him because I don't want to take meds but I did what he said and soon my problems vanished as soon as they had appeared.

Weeks went by and I scheduled an appointment with my T and as I described the events with the anxiety he thumbed through his records. He looked at me when I stopped talking and said, "Your chart is full of anxiety, we discussed the fact that you have it and we put you on meds for it years ago." I had quit taking them years ago as I sat there and thought about it. I told him that I started feeling better and quit taking them, did not want to take them in the first place. I denied the fact that I had anxiety because I wanted to be normal without meds, do it on my own kind of thing. At this point in my life I believe I will follow the T's and the Doc's advise and stay on the meds. I am taking 10 mg's of Celexa and it really works.

One of my coping mechanisms is denial, right off the bat just deny it exists and keep moving forward. The problem is moving forward in my mind never ends. I will never reach my idea of success or normal because it does not exist, no one is that perfect but it is the standard the little 8 year old boy in me set as he grew up with the mark of the molestation. I had to prove that I was more a man than anyone, out do all the records and keep going no matter the cost or the toll it took on my body.

I am taking steps to slow down, I work 3 jobs and I have been advised to stick to my normal job and quit the other 2. The idea behind the other jobs was make as much money as you can to secure your self, calm the anxiety of impending financial doom which has never occurred. I am rambling a bit here but my point is just to let this out so maybe someone can benefit that may be in the same boat.

Stomach problems, diahrea, bloating, constipation, fatigue, depression etc. can be a result of running around physically and mentally trying to police up your external world in order to feel in control. The fact is you will never control what is going to happen in the future. You can try and damn I have made one hell of an effort but it just cant be done.

My T told me that my stomach is trying to say "Stop, or I am going to kill you."

I hope this helps someone,

Thanks for listening guys,

John O

Whatever It Takes, God

#279381 - 03/14/09 02:14 AM Re: Anxiety, Depression [Re: John Oarc]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Good to hear things are better for you John. I used to suffer a lot more than I used to too thanx to medication. I think it's easier for me to feel normal taking medication than sitting at home rocking back and forth with my teddy bear all day! lol

As a dear friend of mine would say,
"Medication is our friend." smile

My Story
My Art

#279385 - 03/14/09 02:56 AM Re: Anxiety, Depression [Re: John Oarc]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
the mark of the molestation

aptly said.

and what a horrific mark it is john as you well know.

it is good to meet your spirit here once again. thanks for sharing your experience strength and hope with us here today,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#279414 - 03/14/09 12:42 PM Re: Anxiety, Depression [Re: Sans Logos]
alone Offline

Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 62

#279476 - 03/15/09 01:11 AM Re: Anxiety, Depression [Re: alone]
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Thanks for the replies guys and thanks for all the good advise. I feel like I used to feel a long time ago. I am not on edge and cranky with my family. I greeted everyone all day long today with a "how are you, nice to see you," and I really meant it.

It is so good to feel like living and look forward to it. It has been a long journey for me as it has for all of us but man it was worth the ride in my opinion. I have met a lot of great people through my pain and problems, I have learned a butt load of information regarding psychology and I really feel it was worth every minute. I can truly say I would not change a thing. Who knows I might have turned out to be a big A hole if I had not suffered with all the crap I have had to deal with.

I feel like I can understand others in pain, I might have looked down my nose at them if I had not experienced the things I have in my life. I would rather not keep "what ifing" but I believe I am a better person for all I have gone through, not to be mistaken with I'm glad it happened because I am not but I am not going to keep looking back at my past, my T told me to move on and I am doing just that. There was a time in my recovery where every waking moment was spent hashing through the past but in time it is necessary to move on and thanks to you guys, my family, my T and Jesus I am a free man once again. Got to go, just got Resident Evil 5 on play station. I am 43 years old you would think by now that would not excite me but man I love gaming.

Love all of you, Peace.

John O

Edited by John Oarc (03/15/09 01:12 AM)
Whatever It Takes, God

#279950 - 03/18/09 07:40 PM Re: Anxiety, Depression [Re: John Oarc]
neoguy Offline

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5
Loc: Northeast Ohio

I see a bit of myself in your story. I guess I'd call myself a "workaholic" as I use work as my "drug of choice" to help take the focus off of some of the painful emotional parts of that lie within.

Thanks for sharing.



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