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#279628 - 03/16/09 05:07 AM Tribute to my Dad
loberhead Offline

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 172
Today, I acknowledge a terrible loss. My Dad was an incredibly diligent, hard-working, and honest man; and, most importantly, he was an exceptional parent. Last March he died of Cancer and to not recognize him would be an insult to his memory. So many die from this disease and the pain of this loss reminds me that while we may come from many different places and backgrounds our hearts still beat as one. The time I spent bonding with my Dad is more important to me now than ever. He did not die in vain and, as I continue to grow into an adult, I will celebrate a man who was kind and brave and safe right until the very end.

I wasn't invited to the service after my Dad died. He didn't want a funeral service, he wanted his ashes scattered into one of his favorite rivers. I wasn't invited because of dysfunctional family members and lack of communication. I'm not upset that I didn't get to go, because I would have been surrounded by people who, for unknown reasons, seem to dislike me. I am sad, though, that I do not have a place to speak to my Dad - like a grave. I am glad I am able to speak about his death here. Thank you for listening.

#279629 - 03/16/09 05:21 AM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: loberhead]
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
I'm sorry about your dad. I'm glad you have good memories of him. You mentioned you were sad about not having a grave to go to, I dunno it seems to me his way was pretty good. Now hes free, always on the move. It doesnt matter where you are, you can talk to him because his ashes are blowing free not stuck somewhere...ya know?

#279655 - 03/16/09 03:46 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: behindthewall]
TJ jeff Offline

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3554
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I'm sorry about the loss of your dad - cancer is a very unfair disease - I think it's terible that family did not tell you about the service - is there anyone that might tell you where his ashes where spread? (perhaps a cousin that would have heard where from their parents) - perhaps then you could visit that river to be able to talk with him

always remember the good memories of times together with him - he lives on through you...

Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

#279669 - 03/16/09 04:50 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: loberhead]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...

thank so much for sharing this. it really helps to know you better through understanding the particular tensions that were and are impacting your life. you are a very special person in the family of male survivors, and even though your dad is not physically here with us, and even though your dysfunctional family cannot give you the loving nurture you need, you always have us to be father/brother.

may you find many comforting blessings during this special time of recollection.


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#279681 - 03/16/09 06:18 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: Sans Logos]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

Thank you for sharing with us what a special man your father was. Were you not blessed to have had him in your life.
You can honor his memory by becoming the man that he showed you he was.
Seems to me he choose a place close to you always. The love that he showed has found a place in your heart. He will be there with you everyday of your life.
Cherish the memory of those who loved you unconditionally for they are angels from god.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#280276 - 03/21/09 03:58 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: michael banks]
king tut Offline

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
I'm sorry i found this post so late, i hope you were able to have time to think and reflect, and i am glad you are able to honour your father and remember all the good things. I like TJ Jeffs idea, maybe someday you can visit the river where your fathers ashes were spread, it may be quite a powerful experience.


#288833 - 05/25/09 11:53 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: king tut]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Well, as you know I was terribly ill when you put up this post. I'm sorry I missed it but I'm so glad you decided to talk about this.

You know, you don't have to have a gravestone or memorial marker for your Dad in order to have a special place where you can talk to him. One thing you can do is think back to something you and he really liked to do, preferably in a place that isn't teeming with people. You can make that "your place" and go there whenever you want to think about him, honor his memory, or tell him how you're doing.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#288835 - 05/25/09 11:58 PM Re: Tribute to my Dad [Re: roadrunner]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

I also missed the post when you first put it up. I'm sorry to hear about your father. Tell us more about him some time.


pufferfish whistle


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