I'm new here. This is a wonderful site and has helped me already! Thanks for the support and encouragement.

This is the first time I've written out the details. I've read a few other stories from posters here. Some are so horrible, I can't imagine how you survived (but you did!!!). Mine deeply affected me (still does).

******* Possible Triggers! *********

My dad divorced my mom when I was 10 (he left for a neighbor woman). This left my brother (20), sister (9) and me with my mom (my older sister was in college). My mom was depressed and drank a lot. Lots of neglect I won't go into. My brother's ex girlfriend (C) came to live with us to care for my sister and me while my mom drank at the bar. She and her girlfriends would openly talk about sex stuff in front of sis and me (I don't know where my brother was during this...). (C) had 2 babies while staying with us; she said neither were our brother's. The main reason I mention this is exposure to hard core porn. I remember seeing dildos and (most damaging) reading stories about S&M, incest, male rape, pedo, etc. I still don't know who the books belonged to. I was about 11.

Also during this time I vaguely remember performing oral on a neighbor boy my age. I'm sure that I initiated it. I certainly remember him telling everyone at school (6th grade) what I had done. That started very bad teasing and bullying at school and in the neighborhood.

(C) left and one summer when I was 12 I was going door-to-door collecting money for charity. I knocked on the door of one house and (R) answered. I recognized him from school. He was going into the same grade (7th) but was older (13 maybe 14) and much much bigger (I was very skinny, maybe 80 lbs, he was big maybe 130 lbs).

He was in boy scouts, and was airing out his tent in his backyard. I don't remember exactly when this happened (the first time we met, or later). But we were in the tent and he suddenly lifted up his sleeping bag and his pants were down. He had a huge erection. He was in puberty, so very hairy. I was pre-pube. I performed oral on him.

I went over his house many times after that. He was very mean to me, and would put me down for being a wimp, etc. He threatened to beat me up many times (not to keep quiet, just because...). Once he body slammed me and I sprained my ankle. I needed crutches for a week. He also told me stories involving the Mafia, Kangaroo Courts and a movie he saw (Deliverance).

He started playing "games" with me where he would write "sex acts" on cards used in board games. We'd then "play the game" and somehow I would get the cards that said "Lick my xxxx or suck my yyyy." Once he threatened to have me blow his dog.

In the fall, we went on a boy scout camping trip. I was new to camping and didn't bring a sleeping bag. We shared the same tent, and I got very cold that night. I ended up sleeping with him in his bag. I don't remember anything sexual happening, but the next morning another boy opened the tent and saw us together. Life was a living hell in 7th grade after that :-(

I finally got up the courage to tell him I didn't want to see him anymore. Looking back, it wasn't the sex, it was the way he treated me. One day I was feeling ill (diarrhea) and went to the boy scout meeting. I told (R) that night that I would not go over his house again. He grabbed me, took me down into the woods. Pulled my pants down and tried to have anal sex with me. Fortunately he gave up (he would have sent me to the hospital I think--maybe he was afraid of that?). But he made me perform oral. I'll never forget the sick feeling of tasting my own diarrhea :-(.

Afterwards, my mom picked me up and drove me home. Most of that is a blur.

The next day I went to school. The first Time I saw (R) I told him I was going to fight him. Another boy stepped in and stopped it. At lunch, I again confronted him. We threw a few punches but it was broken up quickly by a teacher and we were sent to the Principal's office. I can't begin to say how opposite this was for me. I always backed away from fights. He was bigger, stronger and had taken Karate. He would have killed me...

When I got to the office, (R) was sitting in a chair, playing with his comb like it was a switchblade knife and staring at me. I saw the principal who offered me a choice: 3 days suspension or 3 smacks with the paddle. I took the paddles and never told anyone why I fought him.

He never bothered me after that. I was an emotional wreck though and got into serious drugs/alcohol and self-destructive behavior. I saw him again once in college. He was trying to act tough/macho but just seemed pathetic to me.

Now here I am 35 years later (married with 2 kids) and I still haven't got over this. Lot of scars. My counselor says that he was definitely a perp, probably did the same to other boys. I think she's right. I was an easy mark because he knew I had done it with another boy.

There's more to my life story, but I've written enough for tonight.

Thanks for reading...


Edited by ModTeam (03/12/09 03:33 PM)
Edit Reason: remove names
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

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