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#278282 - 03/05/09 06:28 AM What if?
Barkabus Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
What if I can't forgive myself
What if I can't stop acting out
What if I can't see past my past
What if I don't deserve anything better
What if I don't want to be like everyone else
What if I don't do what I'm told
What if I fear the unknown
What if I like the pain
What if I cannot love

What if it doesn't matter if I don't survive

#278284 - 03/05/09 06:40 AM Re: What if? [Re: Barkabus]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

Edited by joelRT (03/15/09 05:30 AM)
Edit Reason: leaving
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#278287 - 03/05/09 11:14 AM Re: What if? [Re: joelRT]
b869 Offline

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
You know that's exactly what I'm thinking... all those what if....


When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

#278290 - 03/05/09 01:33 PM Re: What if? [Re: Barkabus]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i read your poem and i thought about for a few minutes. this image came to me of being in a little dingy, encompassed by fog, zero visibility 360 degress, in the midst of a huge body of water.

couldn't see behind, to the left, right or forward.

a refugee from the land i left behind, now a distant memory.

nothing in front of me but the hope of some clear view on the horizon.

then, lo and behold, morning breaks, the fog dissipates and what do i see ahead there in the distance? is that a mirage? do i see land? can it be true?

yes it's true after all, it is new land? joy of joys! i'm saved. hallelujah!!!

but wait.........

omg, what if the land is populated by unfriendly inhabitants? will they try to do me in?

what if i don't like what i find there?

what if my port of harbor is a ruse, and does not provide the safety i was hoping to find, some day?

maybe i can turn around, go back where i came from; at least things there were predictable. oh, no, that's not an option, there's an apb out for me there. if i return there, i risk prison, and possibly execution, perhaps by my own hand.

what are my options? return from exodus to my comfortable past, and face my demise or take my chances in a new america.

what if i never live long enough to escape the prison of what if's....?

....hey wait a minute, i see some figures on the beachfront up, it can't be.....yes that looks looks is!

it's brian, robbie, mark, derek, pete, ron, larry, john, eddie, dave.

you gotta be frikin kidding me? is that all there is?

well, it's not exactly the high life i was looking for, maybe i'll just stick around, give it some time and see what happens. that whack or what?


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#286178 - 05/03/09 08:34 PM Re: What if? [Re: Sans Logos]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
But Mike, everyone matters. I don't believe there's ever a point where we can only throw up our hands in despair and give up. It has so often astonished me how the slightest thing could pull me back and make me keep going.

One such moment, when I was feeling totally worthless and could finally talk about it in therapy, came when my T looked across at me and asked me, "Larry, can you even imagine such a thing as a worthless child?" I couldn't. Then it hit me for real: I had only been a little child, 10 years old, innocent and defenseless. No "buts". It really was that simple.

I am still running on the reserves that "aha moment" gave me, and I think these moments can come for all of us. Our hope isn't something that can ever be taken away from us.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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