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#276979 - 02/25/09 12:42 AM How Others Perceive Us
Charlie24 Offline

Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Guys this is something that I know I've discussed with some of you before so I'm again beating a dead horse. I have some questions though about others perceptions of ourselves. What I think my biggest question about this is are other people able to pick up on subconscious signals I may be sending out? If I'm unhappy, not satisfied with myself then are others able to be able to say this is someone I should steer clear of? I mean wonder to an extent how much I think about things and if I think too deep into various issues. Maybe it comes down to poor choices I've made, continue to make in my life. I think the best example I can give is always being picked last for dodgeball and how that still seems to happen to me today in so many ways. Too what extent should I care what others say, think about me? I know I often hear people say to me; "I don't care what others think about me!" Well I read this book called "The Power of Positive Thinking" In one chapter the author discusses the unique nature of humans and that deep down we do really care what others think about us and it's human to do so. I'd like to be able to live my life with some guidance but I think part of the problem is I don't know where to find a healthy guidance for myself. This then seems to open up a huge can of worms and gets me deep down a I start to wonder what I really want out of life. What is my purpose, why am I here? Where do I belong? When I tell this people, therapists they respond with your depressed. Get some Zoloft and it will take care of your problems. I really don't know who the hell Charlie is? How do we begin to get to know ourselves and not let our pass define us? Is there anything really out there for me?

Charlie, Charles

#276985 - 02/25/09 01:44 AM Re: How Others Perceive Us [Re: Charlie24]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

Edited by joelRT (03/15/09 06:01 AM)
Edit Reason: leaving
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#277204 - 02/26/09 02:40 AM Re: How Others Perceive Us [Re: joelRT]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Other people can pick-up on certain signals that we all project, like body language, demeanor, happiness vs sadness, physical appearance, and eye-contact to name a few. For most of the relatively normal types it isn't too hard to pick-up and try to avoid people who exhibit too many negative signals. In a worst-case scenario, it isn't too hard for experienced perps to pick-up these signals either. This tends to somewhat explain the reason behind why kids are sometimes repeatedly victimized by different perps over time. Thinking back, in my own case, I exhibited a lot of these problems and I was victimized by 11 different CSA perps over time.

Is there really anything out there for you??? YES. Michael Banks left his baggage that he had been carrying with him his entire life on the side of the road just yesterday, just as I had done myself nine years ago. The challenge of recovery is to deal with your past and then gradually let it go. Once you have accomplished that goal your confidence in yourself and your abilities will begin to grow and you will come to think a lot more positively about yourself. Once you have recovered your self-esteem just about anything is possible including finding healthy consensual adult intimacy, which we all crave as humans.

You are at the beginning of the recovery road to self-discovery and somewhere along that road you will leave your past behind too.

Have hope and keep trying and coming back. You are worth it.


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#277493 - 02/28/09 12:09 AM Re: How Others Perceive Us [Re: Trucker51]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

I think that you are on that path now. You have begun to question life and your perceptions of it. Once we began to look at what we were taught about life and our roles in it. We can begin to challenge the false beliefs that we have held about ourselves.
Our realities for the most part our dictated by our own beliefs about life and ourselves. As we change these patterns of beliefs and thoughts so our lives slowly change for the better.
I believe that my reality is shaped by my self today and not by the actions or beliefs of others.
True we all want to be like and accepted by others but as we learn to accept ourselves as we are. the opinion of others has less and less impact on how we feel about ourselves and our lives.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009


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