So my fast ends tonight.
Well, it was not quite the traditional food fast, rather, it was something quite different.
It was a sexual purification fast. Ever since I came out to myself( I guess thats what Im calling it now-lol), I wanted to be sure that compulsion and lustfulness did not run rampant in my life as a bisexual/gay man. So I asked God for revelation about my sexuality, to show me that I could go a week without needing to satisfy myself physically, or even do anything to satisfy myself on a sexual level. But most importantly, to turn to him when the urges came and to know that he could stop them.
I wanted to be sure that this part of me was me, and not my abuse wanting to act out. And Im glad that I did.
I know that as a survivor of sexual abuse I cannot let all of my impulses control me because some of those impulses are drvien by the desire to be a victim. But Im not a victim anymore, and by the Grace of God I know that. So Im glad I made it. It certainly has been tough, but its been self-affirming.
I know from here on out what I want to do and how I want to be in my life as a gay/bisexual man.
I found God
now I just need to find myself