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#272887 - 01/27/09 06:07 PM Neediness and Insecurity
xJustex Offline

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 8
Loc: Canada
I've been having a particularly challenging time in the relationship aspect of my life. I've grown up in a very dysfunctional household and have been abused sexually, physically, and emotionally. I haven't been in a relationships in years, my first was extremely painful as I was incredibly insecure and needy, and it was doomed. For quite some time now I've been working on healing from all this, I don't want it to affect my life anymore. I am feeling much more confident in dealing with my friendships, work and school, and was able to tackle a lot insecurities I had about them and I'm also feeling much happier.
But I met someone new recently and I've suddenly been struck with so many insecurities that it's totally affecting every aspect of my life. I'm feeling very on-edge, obsessed, paranoid, and needy for validation. It's also very painful, I feel like I'm on an emotional roller-coaster. I know It's finally time to deal with my relationship anxieties and insecurities and I've already started. Most of the insecurities I feel are pretty normal; "What if he's cheating?," "What if he's avoiding me?", "What if he doesn't like me?" they're triggered so often and so quickly that I get overwhelmed at times. Is there is any advice you can give to keep moving in that same direction? To overcome neediness, paranoia so I can just enjoy my romantic relationships (instead of endure).

#272890 - 01/27/09 06:41 PM Re: Neediness and Insecurity [Re: xJustex]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

From one Canuk to another, man I hear you - we all go this same thing at the begining of a new relationship when we come from dysfonctionnal families. As chlidren we were deprived of learning what healthy relationships are and our place in them, so if this can make you feel any better at all - you are perfectly normal.

You say that you are working at overcoming your insecurities and that is good. However, if you are attempting to do so on your own, sorry to say, you are doomed to failure.

So many of us try to fix our own selves and all of us fail miserably at it.

Your family legacy is much bigger than you and you will be an old old man indeed by the time you overcome it if going it alone is your stategy.

Get yourself a therapist - it truly is the only way and ultimately the quickest way as well.

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#272901 - 01/27/09 08:39 PM Re: Neediness and Insecurity [Re: joelRT]
kb4 Offline

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada
Go slow Justex,

I just realized that my past is what made me unable to have a real relationship with my buddies.Just knowing has unlocked some chains.

I have more hurtles to clear but right now I am enjoying this freedom of expression.

I plan to relish each victory


#272908 - 01/27/09 09:12 PM Re: Neediness and Insecurity [Re: kb4]
xJustex Offline

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 8
Loc: Canada
I realized something today as I was lying down listening to some music. I've been aggressively trying to get rid of my insecurities, as I feel like if I don't everything is doomed. But that in itself was making me panicky and tense.
It almost came clearly into my head a thought that I was telling myself. "If I'm not perfect, than I don't deserve to be in a relationship." Which in itself is false...nobody is perfect, in fact all relationships are between imperfect people. Just realizing I was telling myself this (I guess on a more deeper level), I feel somewhat more relaxed and confident now that I'm aware. I made an appointment with my counselor it probably is time for more outside support. I do go to group therapy already and make counseling sessions when necessary.

Edited by xJustex (01/27/09 09:45 PM)


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