hi xjustex, i ws gonna say 'join the club' but i guess since you are here, you already have.....
it's funny [..or maybe not so much] the whole recovery thing works fine on paper, but then when we get the opportunity to put it into practice, it's a very different story, eh?
i know for myself, during my years of recovery when in relationships, the greatest challenge for me, was trying to separate the current relationship from the ones i had with my abusers. at some point all my old unresolved issues would resurrect from their graves: my feeling of being trapped, misinterpretation of certain facial expressions, assigning meaning to certain events; i had so much to resolve, and had my partners been able to give me the support i needed, then things might have worked out differently.
those are just some of the isses i think survivors need to be aware of when beginning in new relationships.
who, what when where how and why do we ever get to try out the trust boundaries, if not with people we let get close to us. but when they do, fear steps in like a big foot ready to come crashing down on everything.
it makes things very difficult, that's for sure.
the only thing i can say is don't give up trying. and try to keep as much an open dialogue as possible. that's the only way you can know whether trust building and intimacy building are really going to be worth the effort with that particular person.
are they truly capable of love? i mean, you can't automatically assume, especially if they themselves have not shared the experience of having been abused, that they don't have their own issues to deal with.
it takes two to tango, but sometimes, the two bring many many invisible others to the dance.
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC