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#270840 - 01/11/09 09:28 PM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: Morning Star]
Puzzled Offline

Registered: 08/30/08
Posts: 18
After reading everyones posts I couldn,t help but cry because I just had this talk with a friend yesterday (way can,t I get angry at my brother for SB me from 9 to 11)I spent the first part of my life dealing with the abuse and I will spend the second part of my life recovering from it. For me its all what you all said self esteem,denial etc. etc. etc. I know it will come but I don,t want to spend the energy on him because if I focus my time on that it could further distroy me.I don,t want to live with hate in my heart. I have a good relationship with GOD and he is guiding me. Good Luck your all in my prayers.

#270866 - 01/11/09 11:39 PM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: Puzzled]
Riley Offline

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 599
Loc: USA
Thank you guys,

I`m just starting to deal with the fact that my brother molested me and no matter how hard I try I just can`t muster up anger at him, at least not enough to stay angry. In fact I have a somewhat "normal" adult sibling relationship with him. I`ll see him maybe once a month or so and we`ll get some drinks or something. We never discuss what happened and I don`t think he thinks I remember. Is this a healthy relationship with an abuser? I am no where near ready to confront him, I think he would feel bad and I don`t want to pass my agony on to him. I`m glad I stumbled upon this post.

P.S. I feel as though I am where Dan88 was. Still partially in denial and have not fully convinced myself I`m worth getting mad over.

Edited by Riley (01/11/09 11:43 PM)

#270867 - 01/11/09 11:45 PM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: Riley]
Trucker51 Offline

Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Welcome to our support site Riley. I think that you will find that we are a caring and supportive bunch of guys who are all working towards a common goal. We are all working together to find our freedom from our past. Keep coming back and keep trying, and you too will be able to find your freedom.

Have hope,


"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark

#270877 - 01/12/09 01:41 AM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: Trucker51]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2694
Loc: durham, north england
hi riley.

I really hope you find some peace from this site.

personally, for me it's always felt that anger would be senseless.

It may be that I was casually abused by kids at school, so maybe this differs from people who were abused by friends or family members, but i've always been of the position that what happened to me was simply something that naturally happened which I hd no power to stop.

like an earthquake, ---- or more accurately, like a virus, sinse it involved my body doing things and being in completely different places from my mind.

While I've felt a lot of anger at myself for not getting over this, being angry at my abusers just doesn't make any sense to me at all, ---- it's just not an association.

While I've been exploring the effects of what was said and done to me, and what they've cost me, I've just not run into any anger at all for some reason.

I think alex, my point is that everyone goes through things differently, and thinking that there are things you "should" be feeling, or a set process you should go through just doesn't sound to me like something which would be helpful.

Of course, if you find anger, ---- and the way your first post read with talking about wanting your abuser's suffering to begin and your use of the F word (not a problem, ---- just something that sounds to me like strong emotion), I wouldn't be surprised if you do start feelling that anger, ---- but if not, don't worry.

#270979 - 01/12/09 07:40 PM . [Re: dark empathy]
bardo213 Offline

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 812

Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 11:07 PM)

#271006 - 01/12/09 11:15 PM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: bardo213]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762

A great post and great responses. All I can offer is every situation is so different. Anger does take time, but for me it was the anger against my perp. brother also that helped in my healing.

I always thought that because he was my brother I HAD to love him. I felt like it was a duty. I tried so hard to look at the sexual abuse he inflicted on me for over 5 years as something bad, discusting and evil on my little "inner child", but not me, the adult.

It was not until I confronted him last August that the ANGER against him "set In". His lack of response, his lack of remorse, his lack of responsibility for what he did to me really set me off. Like so many other Male Survivors I felt guilt, shame and responsibility for some of the abuse. I let it happen, so I thought.

Because of his lack of response to me, I have let the anger out and I feel so Much Better. I have "moved on" with my healing and my brother is now an unknown to me.

Like all my friends and support, they knew eventually I would rage inside. It just took me longer to see it. But in time I think you too will find that anger and rage. What was done to us is not OK. It is wrong, It is a burdern we carry for ever. It is unfair. But we will survive.

Thats the way I look at it.

Best to you.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#271025 - 01/13/09 02:17 AM Re: why cant I get angry [Re: Riley]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

Welcome to MS. I hope you find here, everything that you've been looking for elsewhere.

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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