I tried to write a reasonable synopsis of my abuse, my attempts to heal over the years, and the recent triggering event for my presence here. I couldn't do it -- the waves of sadness are just too much. I look back and see what has been taken from me, of the things I have been unable to participate in, and should have been able to enjoy, but could not because I am so fucked up as a result of the abuse.

My life as an adult has no personal addictions or destructive behaviors or acting out, but I have been carrying a heavy load of my own and been supporting (emotionally) a very needy wife who is in recovery. There's nothing for me from her; I am alone in my sadness and pain.

Other factors I can't write about right now figure in. I just feel this focussed rage building up, and I am expending a lot of energy keeping it under control.

That's all I can write for now.

-Kindness costs nothing.

I am not a religious person. No offense, but *please* do not send me a _personal_ response filled with references to your god(s), quotations from holy books, etc. Thanks.