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#269396 - 12/30/08 09:42 PM I asked him to leave
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Hey guys. I haven't posted on here in ages. The update is that I went back to the counselor for more eye-movement desensitization therapy to deal with some flashbacks I was having last year, and things are much better.

Anyway, I was having a first date with a guy today, and I learn within the first 10 minutes that he lied about both his name and his age. I called him on it. He asked, "do you want me to leave," and I thought for a second, and said, yes, I think that would be best. So he left. As I followed him on the sidewalk, I thought, yes, definitely the right thing to do. My ex was a liar and a cheat, in addition to being an abuser, and if I'd known when I met him that he lied about his age and his job title, I'd have been more cautious then too.

So, I'm not going to date any liars.


Happy New Year everyone!

#269397 - 12/30/08 09:50 PM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: cat lover]
Happy Birthday TNuss Offline

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 203
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
BRAVO, BRAVO!!! Great job, way to stand up for yourself. Good for you!!!

Now take yourself out on a date, have a nice dinner, go see Marley and Me. Treat yourself to a special evening, because you deserve it.

Again BRAVO!!!

All my best!!!

In harmony,
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

#269409 - 12/30/08 11:00 PM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: TNuss]
beakin Offline

Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 44
Loc: Texas
Way to go. I can understand embellishing a little thing or two about yourself in the beginning, but your name AND age? Good lord, what's he thinking?

I think you are absolutely right to have asked him to leave. I, also, have had experiences in the past where I repeated the same bad judgement where people were concerned. The result was never good.

When I got sober, my sponsor told me, "Ben, NO is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation." I'm still not great at that, but it's had a profound effect for me. The way I grew up, I just didn't seem to understand that I had the right to say no. And, I didn't even have to explain it. If it doesn't feel okay to me, that's my right - I don't even have to know myself why it doesn't feel right.

I'm with Troy. Treat yourself to something nice. I'm trying to learn to not take myself so damn seriously. It's an uphill battle, but I'm taking baby steps in that direction.


Only you can do it, but you cannot do it alone.

#269413 - 12/30/08 11:14 PM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: beakin]
Dusty Boy Offline

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Congratulations for coosing to look after yourself.


#269454 - 12/31/08 01:02 PM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: cat lover]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
how does that feel to honor your own boundaries? pretty damned good, no?! even though doing so meant closing a door on the possibility of 'having someone, anyone' to love.

it is a wonderful sign of recovery to recognize that you have reached a point in recovery where you reject the tendency to enter into relationships just for the sake of being in one, and how now you can quietly, yet confidently state, with marilyn [in 'the misfits']:

'if i wanted to be alone, i'd rather be by myself' [ or something like that..... ]

good choice cat lover, and congratulations on your relationship with YOU!

hoping for all the best in 2009 for you and those you love and who love you back,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#269460 - 12/31/08 02:29 PM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: Sans Logos]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
I am also very proud of you for doing what you did!

In my mind it is certainly a sign of growing up in your healing journey. Knowing my past what you did is awesome. You did what is best for you. You took control and are taking care of you.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#269636 - 01/02/09 12:02 AM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: KENKEN]
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
me too well done

healthy thing to do

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#270024 - 01/06/09 03:58 AM Re: I asked him to leave [Re: michael Joseph]
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Thanks for all the support. I appreciate it.


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