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#267883 - 12/19/08 10:09 AM What I've Learned So Far:
MichaeldR Offline

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Dear Brothers:

I thought that this might be an interesting topic: What I've Learned So Far. (It actually reminds me of a certain Monty Python skit, but I've digressed).

This is what I've learned, about myself and others as a result of facing my own abuse and beginning recovery from it:

1. That both sides of my family have tremendous amounts of hidden childhood sexual abuse.

2. That many of my current friends, as well as friends who are gone, had nightmarish experiences growing up.

3. That I'm not alone.

4. That I've never been in love with anyone really, just found new abusers, and occasionally victims, to reenact my own past abuse.

5. That this s*&t is hard to recover from, but rewarding.

6. That day by day I can walk beside my brother sufferers and overcome the pain of my past and look forward to a brighter future.

7. That I'm not the only one whose male relatives paid more attention to my genitals than my mind or emotions.

8. That I was neglected more by my father, especially when I was very young, than abused. The abuse added injury to insult, and I was insulted and berated a lot.

9. That I'm not the only one who feels fearful or ashamed when someone compliments me.

10. That I have a faith which really works and shores up my being, if I practice it. And this strength is what is sustaining me through each new trial as I recall, reveal, and review my life in a way that is meaningful, and not just self-pitying.

11. That I can ask for help, and actually get it.

12. That it's okay not to be perfect, or even close. That I can really screw up and find a way to make it better, because I now know that my head is getting screwed on a little straighter each day.

Add your own revelations.



My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Lą oł il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Lą oł il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

#267942 - 12/19/08 06:34 PM Re: What I've Learned So Far: [Re: MichaeldR]
lars3229 Offline

Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
A great list Mike, thanks for sharing it with us. smile


You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

#267943 - 12/19/08 06:41 PM Re: What I've Learned So Far: [Re: lars3229]
TNuss Offline

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 203
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
WOW...I can relate to some many of them, but the number one thing that I have learned, I AM A GOOD PERSON and it wasn't my fault.

Thank you Mike for sharing...this was/ is great recover tool.

All my best!!!

In harmony,
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

#267949 - 12/19/08 06:59 PM Re: What I've Learned So Far: [Re: TNuss]
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

Great topic,

1.That I can love myself for just who I am.
2. That I can have dreams.
3. That I can be who I want to be.
4. that I can have friends who know who I really am and accept me as I am.
5.That I am entitled to my own views,feelings,and opinion. That I am allowed to express them and not be rejected because of them.
6. That my problems are my own and I am able to address them.
7. That there is a place and people where it is safe to deal and heal with my csa issues.
8. that I love this site and the men I have met here.

I will post more as they come to me.

Thanks again Mike for such a positive thread.

One of the other Mikes


Ps-I usually do not post here because I am not gay.
But I can relate to the thread.
If anyone has a problem with me posting here.
Let me know and I will remove it.

To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#267954 - 12/19/08 07:12 PM Re: What I've Learned So Far: [Re: MichaeldR]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yes, very powerful post michael! i heart your positive perspective. it means so much to me. i look forward to seeing what others are noticing about their own debunked presumptions.


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#268414 - 12/23/08 01:23 PM Re: What I've Learned So Far: [Re: Sans Logos]
Danbuff Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Yet another revelation from a survivor which resonates with me.
Here are some of mine which are similar to Michael dR.

1. I grew up sexually abused but also walked in on my abuser abusing my sister...she says SHHH...He still denies but she validated the truth even though she still hides it and the effects are enormous and nonetheless tragic. And my father was emotionally abusive as well as sexual.

2. My family has many secrets and multiple members who have been abused over generations. I just learned my maternal grandmother was the product of incestuous rape. Her sister was her mother and her father was her sisters father too. My grandmother went mute between the age of 10-13... "for some "UNKNOWN" reason". It was revealed by her 80+ years old sister on her death bed some twenty years ago and I just found out two months ago. This runs deep.

3. An uncle also abused my sister.

4. I have strong suspicions about my brother/abuser being abused by an uncle.

5. I now know I can have breakthroughs as I had a major milestone 5 days ago!

6.I know I can move on and my forgiveness plays a big role in that for me.

7. I agree this is hard but well worth the effort and indeed I am not alone.

8. Mourn the losses...there are many But celebrate the victories as they are few.

May peace appear within you when you are feeling broken by the wounds.

When you stumble, make it part of the dance.


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