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#268309 - 12/22/08 02:54 PM Bars, boundaries and bullsh*t
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Drunk guys in gay bars who just feel free to grope and kiss me just because I'm friendly to them really piss me off. I'm really just mad at myself for not sticking up for myself last night. I just tried to ignore it but that didn't work and I ended up just feeling violated and humiliated.

If it was someone I had expressed interest in, it would be a different matter, but everyone around could see that I was not comfortable with it and that I wasn't doing anything about it.

That was the humiliating part. Me being such a victim and not being assertive. The second time he squeezed my balls I told him he was hurting me, but he was too drunk to really hear anything I said to him.

My Story
My Art

#268316 - 12/22/08 04:09 PM Re: Bars, boundaries and bullsh*t [Re: blueshift]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5793
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...

ew yuk major ick factor! sorry you had to go through that. people who allow themselves to go there, so sloppy drunk and crossing appropriate boundary lines are very sick people doug.

if it's any consolation, consider yourself lucky you were target by a sleaze-ball instead of a murderer. i guess you could also be flattered. but probably not. the situation you describe probably reminded you too much of your abuse.

the thing that strikes me the most about this, is that in any relationship, whether it lasts 5 minutes in a bar, or 5 years with a person, that's how i always end up i am being mauled by some bear in the woods.

remarkable how being abused makes one forget how to say 'no' and inhibits [well actually destroys] the natural fight/flight response.

sad, but don't give up on going out and enjoying yourself. don't rule out any future fun just because of one stupid jerk.


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC
  1. the past
  2. advocacy

#268327 - 12/22/08 07:09 PM Re: Bars, boundaries and bullsh*t [Re: Sans Logos]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK

#268446 - 12/23/08 01:46 PM Re: Bars, boundaries and bullsh*t [Re: steveb121]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Thanx guys. I guess I kind of feel like it isn't so much what the guy did but what I didn't do that shames me. It hurt my self esteem more than anything else I guess. It reminded me how much a victim I still am. Ugh! I hate that! frown

(btw, by "victim" I'm talking about my role in the situation rather than using the word as a replacement for "survivor".)

My Story
My Art


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