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#268129 - 12/21/08 01:30 AM gay or porn addict?
findtruth Offline

Registered: 12/20/08
Posts: 4
My husband, whom I'm separated from and probably headed for divorce ( he wants one) has been living in a hotel for five months. He was sexually abused when he was 13 by a male co-worker two times. He said he wanted to leave because we didn't get along but now I'm thinking it's because he's questioning his sexuality. It didn't hit me that he might be exploring his sexual identity until I pieced a few things he said and his actions. I've discovered a few downloaded pics of men on the internet. One time, he slept in our guest bed the night of our daughters b-day with his cell phone and keys (hiding something?) He also withdrew from wanting to be intimate and have sex frequently before we separated but he was diagnosed with depression so I know that can decrease your libido. I'm so confused and hurt because I want so badly to know whether he's leaving me because he is chosing the gay lifestyle or he's simply addicted to porn and is filled with shame. He's made statements such as "I like the concept of a family" and "I don't deserve you." Twice in our marriage I caught him with porn, mostly female stuff. The last stuff I found confuses me further because it's a couple of downloaded pics of guys. HELP!!! I love this man and want to reconcile but not if he's gay!

#268137 - 12/21/08 02:02 AM Re: gay or porn addict? [Re: findtruth]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Hi Friend,

Speaking from my own experience the answer to your question is probably all of the above; shame, questions or doubting of his sexual identity, guilt, lack of libido, attraction to men, etc. It should be noted that sexual identity confusion is not necessarily the same as gay or homosexual. There are many heterosexual or straight sexual abuse survivors who have same sex attractions. Attraction does not necessarily mean orientation but it can.


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#268143 - 12/21/08 02:47 AM Re: gay or porn addict? [Re: WalkingSouth]
nonchalant Offline

Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 42
Loc: Northern Ireland, UK
In my humble opinion, the common belief that if a man watches homosexual pornography he must be gay and in denial is absolutely ludicrous

Men watch straight porn all the time, with its naked men, close ups of big penises, and of course the much loved orgasm shots. Yet no one asks whether these men are latently homosexual or bisexual

IMO porn has no relevance to someone's orientation, unless knowledge of the orientation comes first i.e. the man knows he is gay so seeks out gay pornography

However, in our black and white society it would not be uncommon for a predominately straight man to watch gay porn (for one of numerous reasons) and presume he must be gay because of it, hence shame and depression etc

Edited by nonchalant (12/21/08 02:49 AM)


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