ramble on my good man, ramble on... welcome to your life.
yea, i agree, with time and hard work things do change.
i made a serious commitment to recovery process back in 1985 after my life had become an incredible tangled mess. oh, please don't make me go back there ..... hahahaha! as i look over the chasm separating me now from me then, i can see for sure that the feelings themselves don't totally go away, but you learn to develop a new relationship to your thought and feeling memories over time.
thought and feeling memories want, like holiday decorations, to be brought out in season, and then put back in their boxes and tucked quietly away into the closet where they remain until the next season.
for me, i treat one day like the next. there are no holiday cycles in my life anymore, and the decorations are always up, 365 days a year, in full view so i don't have a chance to forget their meaning.
learning to live that way, outside the box, so to speak, of conventional rhythmic living, was definitely a new way of being for me. adopting rather the 'in the moment' approach to living helped me to break out of patterned living, which was established by the larger systems that determine the cycles in which we 'live and move and have our being': church, school etc. those are some mighty powerful dominating forces to disengage.
for me me me, and me only, i find it easier instead to deal with them a little bit each day, and in their daily familiarity i find the emotional wallop less powerful; their impct more manageable.
it's not so overwhelming then, maybe underwhelming rather.
yea it takes time, lots of time and patience and trust that your own process is leading you in the 'right' direction, and trust also that where you are right now is where you are supposed to be.
wishing you all the best,
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC