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#267458 - 12/16/08 11:30 PM Movies Which Fill Me With Anxiety
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
There are several movies which alway filled me with anxiety. Before I "remembered" my CSA, I didn't have a clue as to why.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Here Willy "disappears" into a factory . . . where mysterious things are done to children.

Amahl and the Night Visitors

Some of you won't have heard of this Christmas musical presentation.
Here the very title would fill me with fear. Can you understand why? Amahl is a boy and he has certain mysterious night visitors. This always freaked me out.

Does anybody else have any movie phobias? I would like to hear about them if so.


pufferfish whistle

#267487 - 12/17/08 03:17 AM Re: Movies Which Fill Me With Anxiety [Re: pufferfish]
Bewlayb1 Offline

Registered: 08/04/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
My parents were really lax about what I saw as a child. I guess I should have realized they weren't good parents, but what does a kid know?

I remember seeing "Nightmare on Elm Street" as a boy. To this day, I have periodic nightmares with Freddy Kreuger. I think he came to symbolize the pedophile (my teacher) to my unconscious. I also remember seeing "Zelly and Me" about a little girl living with her grandmother. I don't recall the film that well. I think the little girl was beaten by her grandmother and Isabella Rosellini plays the kind nanny who tries to help her. I saw it on TV while I was being abused and it really freaked me out, though I'm not sure I knew why. Even while the abuse was happening, it still wasn't "real" to me. I kind of lost my grasp on everything.

I barely spoke from eight to eighteen. I didn't remember the abuse during those ten years. I was strangely drawn, as a teenager, to movies involving incest, like "Chinatown," or rape, like "The Accused" and songs about abuse, like "Luka" and "Bad Wisdom" by Suzanne Vega.

I painted a lot. I was talented, but the images were surreal and disturbing, with fractured bodies and faces. I brought a few pieces with me to college which I had done in high school, before I remembered the abuse. During a party, a guy went to my room, saw the paintings and the first thing he said was: "Were you raped?" He then told me he had been assaulted and raped as a child. It still gives chills when I think about it.

All those years, I had been painting about rape, dreaming about pedophiles, unsettled, yet fascinated by movies about abuse, and I had no clue.


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