For me, forgiveness is a process. I cannot be dragged down by ideas & expectations of an all at once, all or nothing, or else "forgiveness".
The very thot of forgiveness takes time, and the greater the offense against you, and the greater the betrayal of the one who committed it, the longer it takes to think it--much less feel it or do it!
It sure hasn't come all at once for me! And "it" fluctuates from day to day--becuz I do, and I'm the one my forgiveness is all about! I forgive for myself!
How others do or don't respond, what they did or didn't do, might affect me in this process, but I won't let them control me, my forgiveness, for me!
It is after all my process, my life!
My life process of forgiveness is as unique as I am.
And probably this is so for everybody.
So I hope we can all share our processes of forgiveness as a sharing of our own experience, strength & hope in our own recovery, learn from each other's processes if we can, and respect each others processes in the process.
If there's anything we should be forgiving about, it's forgiveness.
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."