Tonight I went to the theater with my mother. That seems to be my social life since my father passes away .. to be the designated driver for my mother and her widdow friends. But that is not the issue here.
We arived at the theater early ... mother can never be late .... and everybody got a cup of coffee. I was tired and not really wanting to be there but I was looking forward to a relaxing evening. The play was " A Christmas Story". It is about a little boy that wants a BB gun for Christmas .... and does everyting wrong to get it. Even uses the F word when helping his father change a flat tire.
Well, we were sitting there drinking our coffee, and who walks in. Ted, my first perp. I hadn't seen Ted since I left the church. Actually, Ted is a good part of the reason that I left the church. Ted's wife died in July or August and Ted had re-joined the church choir and the Hand-bell choir ..... both were activities that I really enjoyed. Ted Raped me 10 days before Dr. Laughlin ( the minister at the church did) Ted immediately came over and started making small talk. Ted was drunk as usual. I tried to keep a safe distance but Ted just kept following me. Thank God that the play was about to start.
At intermission Ted started again. There were several other people from the church at the play. Ted told me that " You know how MY house was designed for entertaining .... I need to have you and your mother over for some "Christmas Cheer" ( Yea right Ted ....you will wait until mom goes into the bathroom and then start groping me) He raped me in the house with his wife upstairs .... and groped me in church several times when there were people right around the corner) ( WHY DIDN"T I EVER SCREAM OUT? ... Probably because he scares me)
I don't remember much of the second act or the play..... all I remember is having flashbacks ... to Ted's basement ... The Green walls in the room where he raped me .... To the hallway in the church .... where he groped me ..... to the Cadilac with the leopard skin upolostry where he molested me when my car broke down and I needed a ride home.
I have to stop ... I am shaking to badly ....
I also got into a fight with my attorney today ... he says I am being too impatient ..... Fuck... he told me he would have a letter for me in five days .... and it was two and a half weeks before he got it back to me. The church has had the letter for 10 days .... and has not acknowledged the letter ..... and I am afraid that when they "address" the letter it will be at a session meeting .... in front of 30 church members. I have told my attorney this .... and that this is the last thing that I want ..... because I know what a bunch of gossips the session members are.
One other thing. I saw 10 people from the church at the play tonight. Not one of them said that they missed me in the choir.... that they missed seeing me in church. I did run into a friend at the grocery store the other day .... and she said that she had heard that I had left the church. She said that she had heard it from her mother that sings in the choir. I have not left the church .... but have chosen not to attend... I love how the rumors get started. That is why I am so concerned about this going to session ..... the rumors will be that I seduced Dr. Laughin ( the minister) instead of the truth being told. I want the story to be told ... when it is told .... by me.
I need to try and get some sleep ... I'll go and take the sleeping pills that don't help ... and toss and turn all night .... my bed looks like it has been through a blender every morning when I wake up.