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#26375 - 06/16/04 11:43 PM rage
lee75 Offline

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 37
Loc: utah
i post this hoping that someone has some kind of insight into this aspect of myself. ok here goes....
about a week and a half ago i had been drinking quite heavily, having gone on a drug binge the night before, apparently i blacked out (of course i was still up and drinking, i just cant remember) and my friend said i was fine for a while and suddenly i went into a black rage. i punched out a window. cut my thumb and tendons of said thumb, punched my motorcycle tank and left a huge dent, and tried to drive every car in sight. (thank god he had the sense to hide all keys!)
my question is:
im not a rageful person. i know i have some anger inside but i didnt know i had that much. im not a violent person.
how can i have so much anger and not know about it. my friend said i was pissed about several things that i cant reconcile as me being angry with.

well, i quit drinking and i dont think there are going to be any drug binges anymore.
of course i had to find new friends and something else to do on the weekends, so now i read and hang with my daughter.
thank god for therapy and this site. its somewhere i dont have to be scared to tell some of these crappy stories.

i havent done anything like this for about two years so im thinking that maybe something triggered it????



Lord, i hope this day is good. im feeling empty and misunderstood. i should be thankful, lord, i know i should, but lord, i hope this day is good. DON WILLIAMS

#26376 - 06/16/04 11:56 PM Re: rage
martin Offline

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth

Its very hard to say and there is only one person that can answer that for sure, yourself. Perhaps it was just a reaction from the alcohol and drugs the night before, that seems very possible. If thats the case you may never know for sure.

The best thing to do is to try to not do the drugs and alcohol again. Also work on finding the answers to whatever rage you do have.

It sounds like you are doing some very good things, namely therapy, this site, and spending more time with your daughter.

I wish you much peace and sorry I didn't have a better answer.



Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

#26377 - 06/17/04 12:45 AM Re: rage
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

Drug binges are generally not healthy, and getting drunk to the point of black outs doesn't make me feel real good about myself. It's been a long time for either of those, and I'm not missing it all that much.

One thing about anger and alcohol, though, is that you may not even be touching "real anger" when you rage while so intoxicated. Alcohol (or other psychoactive drugs) can mess with my brain so much that I wouldn't feel "real emotions" any more than I would reason with "real logic."

I'm not saying that there is no rage inside over what was done to you. I'm suggesting that maybe that rage is not what you found, if you were so drunk that you blacked out. If the things your friend told you about don't even make sense, like being angry that a car is a certain color or something, maybe it was the alcohol and not anger.

Maybe something triggered the binge and the drinking. Only you will know, as Aaron said.

I think it's great that you do have some good ways to spend time. Your daughter's more important than any drug.

Take care of that thumb.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#26378 - 06/19/04 09:27 AM Re: rage
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I think that both drugs and alcohol can make us do things we would not normally do. But also, maybe it could help us to release things we normally would not feel safe to let out. I know that I have similar rage in me, although I am not a rageful person. But i am feeling it tonight. I am here because it is a 'safer' thing to do then what I want to do right now. I think that you have already made some good choices, in keeping yourself safer on weekends. I hope that you will be able to find some other way or ways to let the anger out. Are you in therapy? Maybe if you are, your counsellor can help you to put it into different channels. I wish you luck.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963


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