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#263449 - 11/23/08 09:28 PM Re: The details - question for survivors [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
cariad Offline

Registered: 11/22/08
Posts: 3
Loc: London, UK
I actually kind of wish my husband hadnt told me some of the details, since I keep picturing it in my head. I have also felt awkward when we are being intimate. But....its only been 3 days, so I assume it will calm down a bit.

He said he needed to tell me because he didnt feel he could fully be himself with me if I never I am ok with the fact he did. But yeah...I do kind of wish I didnt really know.

#263541 - 11/24/08 03:57 AM Re: The details - question for survivors [Re: cariad]
Dusty Boy Offline

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
My take on this is that silence is a perpís biggest aid and that telling what was done to me is gaining my power back


#263551 - 11/24/08 04:40 AM Re: The details - question for survivors [Re: Delores]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Delores,
I know what you're feeling, having been there many times myself. With him, the details would come out in spurts, usually when he was dissociating, with little or no time to brace myself. I chose to look at it from the perspective of...if it was difficult for me to HEAR it, how difficult must it be for him to SAY it? He wasn't committed to therapy, he wasn't telling anyone else...and I am a firm believer in "better out than in". What used to break my heart the most, is that after he would disclose something, he'd follow it up with "Do you think bad of me?" As if that could EVER happen...
Our relationship ended badly, after 30 years. But I stand committed to being "Pro-disclosure". It prevents so many "What the F@#$?" moments in the relationship. These are things someone did to him, they aren't ABOUT him. I have alot of anger at his uncle, more than he seemingly has. Whenever he used to talk about how much this man "loved" him... (Talk about wanting to wretch!) sick

This is something that you have to work out with him. You've indicated that he's seeing a therapist, so he has an outlet for discussion. You have EVERY right to set boundaries for yourself.
I wish all the best for both of you.

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