k, I understand now i wasn't sure about the family and friends and survivors as i am new to the site, as you may of gathered by now
You seem to be a fairly balanced and i find you a reassuring person. You are very wise in what you percieve i find also, as i have on a couple of occasions in my life began and continued the healing process of what happened to me. So i know this, what you say about letting people go, whether family or not.
I got an alcohol problem at one time and fought to better that. But it mean't me moving away from friends because of the alcoholic self abuse around me. I found that really lonely and i felt isolated, but i also felt rejuvinated as i was taking control of my life in my own hands again and making my own decisions.
I know i have to do this now, because although people around me may not be aware of the damage they are and have done to me, through thier own denial, i need to get strong again for myself. As long as i keep the same damaging relationships or don't change my attitude to them then i am just as responsible for allowing any further abuse by not getting healthier. See i am denying the truth as well, by often seeing what people should be like in my head rather than what is the reality. The reality in my case hurts and has been hurting me so long i have become numb again by allowing it to happen to me and not speaking back, because i have become afraid of being alone again.
Who is dh?
I am not taking Pm's as yet as i have only joined and i wanted to be safe. Its not you personally, i just thought if i post, it can be public and for the moderators to see. If its private i may not be quick enough to pick up on any headgames people may want to play with me in private, and i can't do with headgames at the moment.
You do seem trustworthy and are being helpful and i find you supportive.
My mother who i showed trust to let into my life again a couple of years ago, started shouting at me on the phone the other day, a lot of blame being thrown around, when all i wanted was to talk. It really sent me back to when my abuse was happening and when she used to scream at me. I was 7-12 years old i can remember and she used to use me as her own personal outlet for all her own shit. It was alot of a burden to carry. The sad thing is it left me with a deep mistrust of women, of which i have recently been dealing with. Things are little raw from this and at these days, i am feling i need to move on again, a lot has ended and i am looking to do some moving on.