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#265354 - 12/05/08 12:15 PM Re: anybody dating a survivor? [Re: Partner]
Partner Offline

Registered: 12/05/08
Posts: 18
Loc: United States
Oh, and Logan, it is now 2 1/2 years though the last 6 months have been on and off because I moved for school. He is visiting in a few weeks and I am trying to get him to move out when he is done with school so time length is unknown.

He is afraid to get too close to anyone because he says he doesn't want the pressure of having someone else rely on him emotionally. At the same time, he is the most reliable person, emotionally and otherwise...wish he knew it!

#265972 - 12/08/08 10:43 PM Re: anybody dating a survivor? [Re: Partner]
rchsweetie Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/06/08
Posts: 23
Hi Logan,
I re-found this thread, and I thought I'd try to answer.
He disclosed to me as we were breaking up. This was about 8 months into our relationship. I think he was ready to share, but I definitely pushed him, because I just didn't understand why he was ending our relationship - especially while also telling me how wonderful I am, etc. He finally blurted it out, when he couldn't keep repeating the excuses for breaking up anymore.

My reaction, I think, was one of support. It clarified so much for me. It was a huge relief. I knew that something had to be wrong, because I couldn't figure out why he kept pulling away (and was now breaking up with me), particularly after a great weekend together. So to realize that we were breaking up because of something larger than me, and it wasn't my fault - that was huge for me. It was important for us both to recognize, and it allowed me to be sympathetic and supportive, rather than a mean, slighted ex-girlfriend.

Since then we got back together, broke up again, got back together, and most recently, broke up again. I do think its over for us, at least until he deals with the abuse, takes care of himself, etc. mostly because I just can't keep going through this cycle.

But I have to say this, we most definitely would not have made it as far as we had, if he had not disclosed. He would've pulled away a long time ago - and I would've let him, hurt that he was being mean to me, causing me pain. Knowing the truth helped so so so much. Even in this breakup, I know that it doesn't have to do with me - and that knowledge is what is going to allow me (hopefully) to move on sooner.

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