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#26156 - 12/06/02 09:25 PM Told My Daughter About My Abuse
JamesMichael Offline

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134
I just want to quickly share that I told my daughter about the abuse I experienced growing up at the hands of my brother, mother, and father. She wanted to know what was going on with the Thanksgiving call from one of my brothers and has been asking questions about why we don't see my parents much, etc.

It was just the right time. I just recounted the whole history without going into any details, but gave enough examples to indicate there was real validity to what I was describing.

Here's the important part:

Her adorable 17 year old face just wrinkled. She frowned. Sad how sad it all was. How it made her understand me a little more. She gave me hugs off and on over the next few hours or so. Laughed when I told her the part about how my oldest brother was really only my half brother and how no one (except my untelling mother) knows who the bio father is. She was so mature. So sensitive. My wife was there throughout the 20 minute conversation.

How it made me feel:

I feel more understood and genuine. I risked the telling of it. I felt real love from her. I am a blessed man. I don't feel like I'm hiding anything from my children anymore. (I started to tell my 21 year old son about the stuff a month ago, but we were at a restaurant and were interrupted, so didn't get to finish). I'm not going to tell my 12 year old daughter right now. I feel more alive. Less burdened.

I just wanted to share this with all of you. Thank you all for helping to pave the way for me to be able to do such a thing.

I am a survivor.


#26157 - 12/06/02 09:57 PM Re: Told My Daughter About My Abuse
Roy Offline

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
That's great JM. I'm really happy for you, that's how its all supposed to go. I'm sure your daughter's maturity and sensitivity is in no small way due to your significant efforts toward your own healing, resulting in you becoming a good father and all around great guy. Congratulations!

#26158 - 12/06/02 11:03 PM Re: Told My Daughter About My Abuse
Mark S Offline

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
JM. I was really moved reading your post. Children can be so wonderful and you so brave. I'm glad it all worked out.

Mark S ;\)

#26159 - 12/07/02 01:49 AM Re: Told My Daughter About My Abuse
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
that's so wonderful, you are a lucky man - and she's a lucky girl to have you for her dad, a very brave guy !


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#26160 - 12/07/02 03:20 AM Re: Told My Daughter About My Abuse
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

I'm glad things worked out so well for you in telling your daughter about your SA. Sounds like the timing was right, as it will be with your other children.

I told both of my daughters last year, right after I began remembering. But then they were 1st year in college & high school senior. They were very understanding, & it helped them understand a lot about why I was the way I was.

Now my youngest, who is going into medicene, is starting to think maybe psychology or therapy or something. My oldest soon after I told her started doing volunteer work on a rape & domestic violence crisis hotline.

I guess a lot depends on circumstances, age of children, etc. I'm just glad it worked out so well for me. And for you. I wish the same for everyone else, whatever way they go in this.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck


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