My perp. cousin died not long ago. kidney and liver failure. he was a druggy and probably had aids or hiv. at the time of his death I had not yet told anyone about my abuse. I had to go to the funeral, easyer than explaining to the family why I wouldnt be there. And I remember sitting there thinking, Good, you got what you deserve, a long painfull death. I have been dying that death for 40+ yrs so now its your turn. I still dont have any problem with how I felt. So let yourself have that selfish feeling if you need to. I walked past his urn and insted of saying good bye, I said, ( I am still so mad at you, and I dont forgive you) I know it sounds bitter, but its what I felt.