Newest Members
Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS, blueheart, aonmadera559
13554 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
di (71), Justin113 (35), Kurt (50), Mike Church (77), seeker2 (62), Steve P (64), vhd11 (52)
Who's Online
7 registered (betrayed boy, anxietydepressio, 5 invisible), 74 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,554 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,487 Topics
492,250 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#258226 - 10/27/08 06:12 AM Acceptance Is The Key
michael banks Offline

Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Hey Guys,

There has been a heated discussion lately on a certain matter.

In AA's Big book on page 449 an early member wrote some words on acceptance and his recovery.

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person,place,thing, or situation-some fact of life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person,place,thing,or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,I could not be happy.
I need to concentrated not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out,because I knew that you wanted perfection just as I did.
Acceptance has taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us;that we are all children of God and we all have the right to be here."

The last sentence caused me to pause and think,how about you?

I don't always understand why the MODS do as they do( or do I need to) because I trust that they are looking out for wellbeing of all of it's members.

PS-look growth; I am learning to trust.


To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

#258228 - 10/27/08 07:29 AM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: michael banks]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
There was a time when I thought I was an alcoholic and I attended AA meetings for two or three years. I remember that passage and it's one of the things I've taken with me from AA even though I no longer feel I am an alcoholic any more.

I also like an analogy in Buddhist literature about how one can try to cover the entire world with some soft substance to keep one from hurting ones feet on the ground, but it's a lot easier to just cover the bottoms of one's feet. (shoes) smile

My Story
My Art

#258237 - 10/27/08 10:29 AM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: michael banks]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Sometimes there is just nothing to add, thanks Mike.

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#258245 - 10/27/08 11:02 AM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: michael banks]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
oye, oye!

good reminder mike.

...for him who has ears to hear!

isn't it telling how people react differently to the stimulus of pain? our reactions are so varied yet unique to our own constitution.

how do we keep from imploding at the sting of a scorpion, the bit of a dog, the strike of lightening upon our head, the knife in the back?

pain is such a personal thing. how do we learn along the way to accept that it is an inevitable part of being alive? how can we learn to manage the coping mechanism that seems to become installed along life's way, in such a manner as to minimize its ugly repercussions?

here we have a site full of very hurt and angry people, coupled to the dangerous situation of its being stoked lika a wildfire in california, and the mods are kinda like the firefighters trying to contain and limit its spread.

each of us would do well to practice the tools this site gives us, and not merely use this site as a psychic latrine for dumping our worst baggage. i am grateful that i have recovered enough to realize that the abusers in my present are not the abusers of my past. the site must remain a safe place for all, but as we know, for all human systems, there is a monumental challenge involved in minimizing potential collateral damage. so, thus we have need for a police state.

we may not choose our emotions, they seem rather to choose us, the good the bad and the ugly, but certainly we can choose how we react to them, and this site offers us the opportunity to hone those skills.

yes mike, you are correct, that begins with the onion of acceptance. i pray everyone finds a way to manage their pain so as not to instigate further self-damage.

a brother in recovery,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC

#258247 - 10/27/08 11:18 AM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: Sans Logos]
AndyJB2005 Offline

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1249
Loc: Minnesota
So as long as I forget my feelings (in other words accept) about everything that I feel hurts me and is wrong, just to keep the peace, then everything will be okay.

Does that thinking sound familiar to anyone else? Or just me?

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

#258250 - 10/27/08 11:34 AM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: AndyJB2005]
ttoon Offline

Registered: 06/20/07
Posts: 977

Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 03:55 PM)
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle

#258257 - 10/27/08 12:02 PM Re: Acceptance Is The Key [Re: AndyJB2005]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5796
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
andy i don't believe that denial ['forget my feelings'] is the same as acceptance.

acceptance requires facing your hurt and understanding the 'who' [the hurt-ee] in your self that was hurt by the hurt-er, and reconciling the two. i think as a buddhist, you may very well understand the practice of disinvestment or disengaging.

it may just well be that someone is not ready to let go of the feelings though, to allow the energy to be transformed, but rather chooses to cling to the continue to give away one's power, holding them hostage to a particular set of circumstances. in that case, there is no resolution. until a person is ready to face those feelings, or until the feelings just fade into the backgound of obscurity, because at some point it no longer bears any import; however it must be noted that they do not 'go away'. they merely go underground and continue to do their damage from the shadows, causing the same reactions to occur anytime a similar situation arises in their life.

when dealing with issues involving acceptance, i usually ask myself 'how important will it be 1 year from now? a month, a day, and hour a minute?' it's all portable. we get to decide the weights we will carry from one moment to the next.

i guess we all have a right to our choices.

your brother in recovery,


Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.