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#257274 - 10/24/08 12:14 AM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: NY Daisy]
Grunty1967b Offline

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 861
Loc: Australia
In this thread I’ve noticed some men use the term “rape” and others don’t. I like that ‘NY Daisy says:
Isn't any act of sex without your consent considered rape?

That’s it in one really. I think (me at least) we’ve been conditioned that rape is a term for what happens to women. Is that because the world en-masse has the view that only women can be sexually assaulted?

I recall one session with my T where I said “it feels like I was raped”. She validated my statement by saying that forced sex on anyone, regardless of gender and regardless of the acts is rape.

Calling it rape certainly makes it a more powerful (and internally impacting) declaration. Ask anyone their thoughts on rape and they will not paint a pretty picture. Tell them you know someone who was raped and watch the empathy flow. Tell them you were raped and (sadly) see a different response.

We need to call it what is was. It was rape. We were denied respect, care, nurture and love. What is meant to be a wonderful thing (sex) was turned to poison for us.

#257382 - 10/24/08 02:16 PM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: NY Daisy]
Georgian Offline

Registered: 10/24/08
Posts: 2
am new to site. Just starting to deal with the past. I'm lost. I'm in recovery from a long life of addiction, and this old stuff keeps coming up. It makes me want to use again.

#257385 - 10/24/08 02:28 PM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: Georgian]
joelRT Offline

Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada

Welcome to MS. I think that as you look around and read the posts from other men you'll find that you are no longer alone in what you're experiencing and consequently no longer lost.

The early stages of recovery are always disquieting and certainly leave us feeling off balance. In the begining we all just want to go and hide somewhere hoping that by doing so our core issues will go away by themselves. Unfortunately things don't work that way and using only agravates the problem.

You've found a safe place here to talk about and to talk through what it is that hurts you to men who have been there and who are willing and able to support you.

Today, you've taken the hardest journey on, we'll be here for you....

My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

#257572 - 10/25/08 01:19 AM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: joelRT]
1islandboy Offline

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 906
Loc: washington

My drug of choice is alcohol, but the truth is I can abuse any drug. I am your classic stuffer, and used to stuff my feelings so far inside...

Good on you finding M.S.

I've been many places, but I hold the journey inward the most sacred. (I hope eventually you do to).

Yes, you want to use. All I can say is ,"easy does it" ...and take care of yourself...!!!

Themes (Anderson,Bruford,Wakeman,Howe


Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

#257697 - 10/25/08 06:11 AM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: 1islandboy]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Tinman1206, Hi & Welcome, you are in the right place at the right time. Yep we sure do add to our sexual abuse misery, as we try (I did try) for 21 years to drown that lost boy in alcohol, drugs or whatever. But it took an accident to get me of the alcohol, I went to AA meetings and I had a therapist for the alki, I told him what he wanted to hear, as I was trying to save my military career. But on my last therapy session as I was leaving he said to me, you know that you can't run away from yourself. Now he must have sensed something that I didn't as I haden't told him the real reason I was an alcoholic. It was my SECRET of CSA. Now I've been sober for 31 years, I've been dealing with those surfaced sexual abuse memories for a shade over 4 months. I'm in therapy, I am reading the book/guide Victims No Longer, and have spent a lot of time on chapter 5, lost childhood. I've been even deeper into my heart and soul with those long buried memories. I take the information that I receive from my friends/brothers on this web site, and these pages to heart. Here I am home, I recieve understanding, compassion and love from all. I also return their respect. So please stay with us, you will heal along with the rest of us. Besides you did tell someone about YOUR SECRET on these pages.
Please consider me your friend in healing. I wish you and the rest of us well in our healing. Maybe someday we all will find the serenity that we all deserve.

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#257702 - 10/25/08 07:11 AM Re: I'm SOO UNBEARABLY UNCOMFORTABLE(TRIGGER WARNING) [Re: petercorbett]
jggab Offline

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
I never considered what happened to me as "rape" until I started reading some of the literature. . . "Beginning to Heal", "Abused Boys". I knew things were wrong that happened to me. . . but never put a term to it. When I was reading, something clicked and I thought. . . "oh my god. . . I was raped!"
What an aweful feeling. .. it's as if it was all happening again. I never even considered the thought. . . that it was considered "rape".
Somehow. . putting a term to it just makes it seem worse. But. . . that is exactly what it was. Now I can stop wondering what was going on in this part of my life, and call it what it really was.


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