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#255295 - 10/15/08 04:14 AM Re: Should I Disclose To My Parents? [Re: Zardoz]

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
My experence has ben that . When I talked to my father about 5 years ago . He started crying . This is the only tome that I have ever seen him cry . I Wish that I could take back that Moulment. Because it broke my heart .




"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

#255330 - 10/15/08 07:01 AM Re: Should I Disclose To My Parents? [Re: Zardoz]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?

I think it's fantastic that you are exploring this topic. "Letting the cat out of the bag" is something you can only do once with your folks and its something that may or may not be really important to you.

My feeling is the very fact that you are exploring the subject of disclosure is because you have some form of internal yearning to let them know.

The guys who wrote in before me had great points and lots to ponder. I wanted to point out a few resources and say a couple things from my own recovery journey.

First of all, there is a document written by Ken Singer on the site...
Disclosure and Confrontation: Considerations for Survivors

I, too, was abused by a peer and what happened for me is it created a huge wall between my parents and I. Abusers tend to use isolation techniques to keep us from telling their secret... So I wonder too if this has happened in your life.

My relationship with my parents since the abuse has been courteous but certainly not deep or profound by any stretch. I actually spent most of my life in fear of what would happen if my parents found out about the abuse and what that would mean for me.

I wrote a letter to my parents and delivered it in August 2007. This was the first they knew of the abuse. Since then, my relationship with my parents has been similarly distant and surface, but they are doing their best to be supportive in the ways that they can. This has been both disappointing for me [as I admittedly had hoped for a closer relationship with them], and really good in that they have expressed their love for me more often and like I said, have offered to support me however they can which, at present, manifests as helping me with part of my therapy bills.

I'm going to give you the same suggestion that started the ball rolling for me: Write a letter to your parents that you do NOT intend to send to them. Just cause you write a letter, doesn't mean you have to send it! I suspect writing out that letter will tell you a LOT about where you're going with this.

Each of our circumstances is significantly different so only you know what pieces of the puzzle you're working with. I hope Ken Singers' article and letter writing will help you sort out where you stand on this.

I might also recommend a chapter of Mike Lew's "Victims No Longer" is also dedicated to confrontation and things to ponder.

If you have any questions for me, feel free to shoot me a Private Message. I still have the letter that I delivered to my parents saved as well if interested.

All the best to you,


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