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#253895 - 10/09/08 05:06 PM Abused by female/mother?
Niels Offline

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196

Edited by Niels (12/10/08 01:24 PM)
Edit Reason: privacy-trust issues-post deleted
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

#253932 - 10/09/08 06:33 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: Niels]
lungfish Offline

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
Hey Neils, I have just in the last few weeks, through this forum and my t, realized that my mother was sexually abusive. I have long been aware that she abused me in other ways but for some reason I kept her separate from my sexual abusers. It is like I was defending her when she clearly did not deserve it. I know it is because of all the manipulation on her part that set that dynamic up. This subject is too new and raw for me to be able to dissect and give any insightful answers to your questions but that is where I am at. Peace, Pete

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

#253952 - 10/09/08 07:42 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: lungfish]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Guy's, I wen't a year and a half of the journey before my Mom came into play. The worst of the realizations is she was the most destructive. Of course we protect them from our thought's, of course we bury that the deepest of the deep. We're all human guys, it's a double step for us, a parent, the protector's of us, but then add in Mother (female) the nurturer, the weaker one, the one we are dominant over and ALL goes to hell. Of course my Bro's, goes without saying to me "NOW" that we burried them the deepest. That's just pain and confusion like nothing else.

I used this parable a while back and got ranted at, hopefully you guys will get what I'm saying. "If you get beat up in the school yard by a guy, it's demeaning and and humiliating, and life changing. But what if you got beat up in the school yard by a girl, life would be pretty much over with regards to what people thought about you. The "tag" is way worse than if you got beat up by a guy. No weighing pain here guy's, but I think it does more to the wiring of the brain than even "most of us" could imagine.

Of course you feel that way guys, how could you feel any other way.

Stay strong


#253995 - 10/09/08 09:43 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: mogigo]
wes-b Offline

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

May you each be blessed and healed... I have a couple of dear friends who were incested by their mothers... Thus far I have no memories of the sort :-\ Regardless, earlier this year a book addressing the subject of mother's sexually abusing their sons came out... I do not recall the name of the book... Hopefully one of the Mods will come up with it...

If I find the name I will post it here.

With love.

your wounded friend, Wes

Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

#254004 - 10/09/08 10:15 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: wes-b]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I was never abused by a woman but I wanted to say I am glad you guys are finding each other here and talking about this. Sexual abuse of boys by women is not as rare as was once thought.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#254005 - 10/09/08 10:19 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: wes-b]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
I would like to address the issue of being sexual abused by a family member as opposed to a friend/stranger or other. My perp. was my brother who abused me for a period of some 5 years. As I look back at my childhood I can only remember none of my siblings, 7 in all, who I felt close to during this horrible time of my life. I remember feeling ashamed and very very lonely. I had no one including my parents that I felt close too. And of course this has taken its toll on my adult life as well. I can only feel that perhaps if I was abused by other than a family member, I might have asked for help, asked for love from a family member. I don't know, I just think I would have felt open enough to ask, to cry, to scream, to plead for help.

And now as an adult who just recently confronted my brother, have not heard from 4 of my siblings that live close to my brother. So in the end I have lost the friendship, the love, the acceptance of most of my family also.

This is really tough to deal with. I at times feel I would have been better off to "suck it up", to keep the secret from every one else.



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#254036 - 10/10/08 01:47 AM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: KENKEN]
Niels Offline

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196

Edited by Niels (12/10/08 01:25 PM)
Edit Reason: privacy-trust issues-post deleted
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

#254169 - 10/10/08 06:06 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: Niels]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, to all on this page.
My mother was the first to get me sexually, then came my male perp, a friend of the family he was my primary abuser for years, not to mention total strangers. She is the person I think that was more responsible for killing my emotions period. If anyone is interested see missed emotions,posted by me. I think that we all can relate to those proper missed emotions. I didn't have any emotional contact with a female 'till I got married at 33 yrs old. Heal well my friends.
Pete (irishmoose)

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#254216 - 10/10/08 11:22 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: Niels]
dking777 Offline

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA

Edited by dking777 (10/06/09 06:06 AM)
Edit Reason: delete
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

#254412 - 10/11/08 04:58 PM Re: Abused by female/mother? [Re: dking777]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Originally Posted By: Niels
For those of you that have been abused by females - what are your experiences?

Thank for posting this thead Niels. This really has gotten me thinking.

I was abused by so many men I've always discounted or passed over the incident when I was eleven with my teenage babysitter. I always mention that I'd had sex with my 16 year old babysitter when I was 11, but that's about it, and no one has ever really asked about it.

She'd been on the phone with her boyfriend. She was babysitting my brother and I all day and late into the night while my mom was gone. They must have been talking about sex because she started talking to me about sex. I think she was just trying to see what I knew. To impress her, I started bragging about what I'd knew and eventually, about what I'd done before.

It just occurred to me that, without realizing it at the time, I was disclosing my abuse (though that wasn't the point of it at the time). Whether that turned her on or made her think that she could teach me to be with a girl, I don't know, but she got undressed and undressed me while we were talking. I just followed orders like I'd been taught by the others...

I think I still discount so much of the abuse up until my football coach because there were no threats, no hitting, no physical pain. I think I really draw a distinction between the abuse from 6-11 and the abuse from 12-13 (football coach and the the rape). As for now, the female babysitter just get grouped with all the rest from that period of time...


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