My story, I am sure, isn't that different from many others and it is my hope that it will help someone and in the process help me as well.
I was born in the 60s at a time when medicine and hospitals weren't so advanced. My real Mother died in the process of me being born and so she never left the hospital and I have no memory of her. I was a bastard child and so I was placed into an adopted family.
My family consisted of me a new Mother and Father and her brothers who immediately became my abusers. Full of lies my parents never told me I was adopted I found out from being teased by kids at school about it. My Uncles lived on a farm where I spent most of my weekends growing up. I was in the care of my abusers from the very start of a long lasting siuation.
I couldn't remember how all of this started because I was to young, however, I was about3 or 4 when I asked my Uncle about how it all started and he thought it was funny that I didn't remeber. He took great pleasure in telling me about the backseat of the old car and what he and his brother did to me and how much I liked it (sick). He said it really started when I was 2 although they "played" with me before that. I guess they thought 2 was old enough and somehow that it ws ok in the first place. My memories of childhood are very fuzzy so please bear with me.
The abuse included everything one can think of and maybe even more. I spent most every weekend with my Uncles and even slept in the same bed with one or the other sometimes passed back and forth. There are memories that stick out for me right now that I feel I need to address. My older Uncle taught me how to please him orally from a very young age and I remeber him hitting me if I was doing it wrong and punching me in the side of the head if he felt any teeth at all. He taught me all there was to know about how to please him and I was a pro at it by the time I was in first grade.
He would brag about it to his brother and so a competition started with me being the ball a game started that lasted my whole childhood. One hot day he took me swimming with his brother and he had a new game for me to play. He decided that if I was underwater I could please him orally without anyone seeing even if they were standing right on the bank. the water was dark and muddy in the pond and he was very tall so as he pushed me under the water around my legs was much colder than at the surface (to this day this messes with me) and he wouldn't let me up for air very oftern and what he wanted me to do was to stay under water until I had swallowed, that being the usual end of the game. He almost drowned me that day and told me I had to get it right and would push me back under. I learned to hold my breath longer and to perform faster this pleased him so much he had to share my new found skills with his brother and cousin and eventually a few more. I would start to cry when others came over for a swim because I knew what that meant. Of course I wasn't allowed to cry ever and crying was usually met with a fist. I was terrified and he was so in control. I belonged to him and he would keep it that way although he got a sick pleasure out of loaning me out and he normally watched. He would keep me from going with the others into the pond by telling me there was a monster under the water and I was only safe if he was there with me, I beleived him.
The barn had 2 floors and so you could see over the corn field from the hay loft. this provided the backdrop for a performance my Uncle put on for the others as they were in the loft he took me out to the cornfield, flattened out a spot and had me undress...so did he. He told me He was going to screw me and it was a new game he had been waiting a long time to play. he had me get down like a dog and he held me there while he put it in all the way for the first time...it hurt so bad i tried to pull away which made him mad at it got worse i cryed out in pain and he hit me and told me to be quiet. It seemed like hours before he finished and i was bleeding. I had no idea the others were watching from the loft which of course is were he took me afterwards. the others said to me if he can do it with that then you can handle it from us so 2 more times a painful experience with him watching. I spent a lot of time in that loft. I still have nightmares about the loft,the corn field, the pond and more.
He was such a smooth operater that he actually managed to convince his sister to let him move in with her (my adopted Mom) and since there wasn't another bedroom he slept with me my room became his room and his first order of business was to put a lock on the door because he needed privacy, it was the first time I had a lock on my bedroom door. I was about 7 when he moved in so now instead of every weekend it became every day morn and night. He would wake me in the morn. I had to shower with him then he would walk me to the school bus. He was always there after school and kept me under tight watch at all times. Everyone thought how sweet they are so close they don't do anything apart and how fortunate for that little boy that his adopted family loves him so much especially his Uncles. One Christmas he had a present for me under the tree and the whole family was there as we opened them. He had bought me a game that i knew had an other meaning and i started to cry because i knew what the game meant was coming and his mother (my adopted grandmother) said I was a spoiled ungrateful child to cry at such a nice gift i can still see and hear her saying it. She knew...hell, the whole family knew something, even caught in the act he would say we were just wrestling. Nothing would ever be done about it and it was getting worse. I fell in a strange kind of "love" with him and it came to the point that I had to have him with me all the time no matter what. Thats just how he wanted it. He never thought for a second I would meet someone outside of the circle but I did when I was 16 and this guy was 25 had a car and lived in another state. I met with him in the park and would call him from the payphone around the corner. One day I slipped up and got caught. I got a bad beating from my uncle and he threatened to have this guy arrested. It was bad and I was thrown out . My adopted father actually dropped me off at the runaway shelter with one bag and said to me stay out of the park they kill people like you there...his last words to me. I layed low for a few days then made the call and my new abuser came and got me and took me home to his place. Thought i was running from it and found myself in the fire. This guy had way more friends and now I was being Video taped! this lasted for 11 yrs.
There will be more to come as I have the courage to write it as for now I am here at MS and I am safe. Thanks for reading and I will try to get more out soon.