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#251927 - 09/30/08 12:26 AM Re: Inadequate [Re: foolproof]
lungfish Offline

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
Foolproof you deserve this and millions of other great things. Hope all is well. pete

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

#252020 - 09/30/08 04:43 AM Re: Inadequate [Re: lungfish]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I don't think it matters what who did what to who, if it involves abuse of power and sex in a way that caused/ causes you to suffer, it is something you can benefit from being here with.

I don't like the labels "victim" or "survivor" much either. I try to think of those words as just tools for communication rather than identities. When I say I am a survivor I am stating that something happened to me. I'm not really saying that I AM anything!

My Story
My Art

#252115 - 09/30/08 05:58 PM Re: Inadequate [Re: blueshift]
Geeders Offline

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada

I too at first thought that what happened to me wasn't so bad when compared to the stories of others. But, while reading some posts I came across one from a man who said he was groomed. That sounded a lot like what happened to me, so I sent him a pm, and since then have kept in touch. I have learned from this wise person, and many others on here that it was not my fault. It was something that was done to me. It may have felt good, and even resulted in orgasm, but that's just the plumbing working as it is supposed to. You and I were children and not responsible for what happened. Even if you went back, and it happened again and again, as it did with me, it was not your fault. Our perps crossed that line of love and sex and used us, and stole our innocence. We may not have been violently raped, but the trauma, the aftermath is equally painful. I thank God that I have a wife and friends who I have recently been able to tell of my abuse. I thank God that this web site is here for without it, I think I might have gone completely cracker dogs. After hiding and denying what happened to me for over 35 years, I can attest to the fact its not easy getting on the path to recovery, but once on it I hope I never get lost again. Please don't disqualify yourself based on how you were abused and whether or not you willingly participated in it. You were used, and abused. Welcome to the club.

My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

#252117 - 09/30/08 06:02 PM Re: Inadequate [Re: Geeders]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi foolproof, and welcome to the site. I hope you're finding your way around o.k. and that the site has been helpful to you so far.

As to comparing degrees of abuse, I had a therapist one time who put it like this: If you have two people who are in a fire, and one of them is burned on both arms while the other is only burned on one arm, they both are going to be in pain. Lots of pain. And the fact that one wasn't burned on both arms doesn't really dimish the pain any. Your pain is not less significant from anyone else's here.

Again, welcome, and I hope this place helps you in your healing.


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