I can relate, Me2. When I'm using porn for gratification, I'M in control, NO ONE else. If I act out with a male stranger, its of my choosing...again, I'M in control. I can walk out in the middle if I choose.
One issue I have is (probably resulting from my abuse)hypersexuality. I could, and often do, masturbate 3 or 4 times a day. My wife has her own issues from childhood abuse, and sex is not something she sees as a daily occurance. At times during our 23 year marriage, we have literally gone for months without sex. I'm not going to force myself on anyone, especially not my wife, who I love dearly. We're adults. My wife is in control of her body. So, it's just easier to find a porn site or dating site to find another willing participant. Well put, Larry.
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me