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#249460 - 09/14/08 06:52 AM Does it Matter?
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US

#249486 - 09/14/08 02:16 PM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: behindthewall]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12156
Loc: Denver, CO
Hi btw.

I don't see such a vow as unrealistic, but in my opinion it's tougher for abuse survivors. Not impossible, just tougher. Leftover emotions from abuse seem to look for ways to get numbed, and sex is one of many ways to numb out those feelings.

I'm happy you are finding your way back into a worship setting.


Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#249496 - 09/14/08 03:21 PM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: FormerTexan]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi btw,

My take on the true love waits vow is that it is intended not so much as a promise not to do something - my own view is that it is a promise to DO something, which is to devote that aspect of your life (physical intimacy) to God, rather than another, until you are married. So maybe it would help to think of it in terms as not making the vow because you don't want to be touched by someone else, but because you want to be closer with God.

Your last question of "is this type of thing realistic for somebody with a past like mine?" really struck a chord with me, as it reminded me of a poem I wrote and posted here years ago called "Help me, God", and a line from it said "Can you love me, God? Can you love a boy like me?" I don't think this kind of vow is at all unrealistic for someone with a past like ours. Not at all.


#249510 - 09/14/08 04:02 PM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: behindthewall]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
((BTW)) I know you don't like to be physically touched so I hope you don't mind the virtual hugs. I was thinking you and your little boy could use one.

Originally Posted By: BehindtheWall
i know it is suppose to symbolize purity, and i am far from that. is this type of thing realistic for somebody with a past like mine?

Feeling "impure" or "dirty" is from the shame you feel for what was done to you. Something I've learned from this site and my therapist is that the shame you feel is not your's to carry. It is the same of your grandfather. He left his shame with you for you to carry. When you learn to give it back to him, to shed his shame, you will be able to make great strides in your recovery.

The little boy, the boy with a past like yours, just needs to know that it's not his fault and he has nothing to be ashamed of, his abusers are the ones that need to be ashamed. The little boy with a past like yours is wonderful and deserves to heal and beloved. So does the 19 year old with a past like yours.

Recovery is possible. Being loved is possible. Even having a physical relationship is possible when you are ready.

Peace and love BTW...


#249546 - 09/14/08 07:58 PM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: M3]
behindthewall Offline

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US

#249627 - 09/15/08 09:55 AM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: behindthewall]
Stretch73 Offline

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Dear Behindthewall,

I'm not a religious person at all. I am very spiritual and I have my own personal relationship with God. Secular religion is for those people, in my opinion, who believe in consequences and burning at the stake. I believe everyone gets a second chance, because my God, verses your God, or his God, or no God, is understanding and forgiving. Your relationship with your God is about you and He, and nothing else matters much.

Take for instance; terrorist murder and pillage innocent civilians in the name of their God. Is you God as approving?

Sadists perform ritualistic sacrifices for their God and in the name of their God. Is your God thankful?

The God that I know doesn't commend anyone for hurting another.

The choice of abstinence is entirely up to you. From my perspective, a God who condemns someone for showing love (as long as that is your agenda) is no God at all, rather just a belief portrayed by men and women who have taken their own vows and are more willing to cast sin upon everyone but themselves.

There's nothing unrealistic in waiting for the right person to come along, and opening up, and sharing something as sacred as love and affection with each other. I wish I knew that 15 years ago.

Do what you're heart tells you to do. "Your heart beats for you, not for the stranger." - Michael Bolton


"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

#249730 - 09/15/08 09:28 PM Re: Does it Matter? [Re: Stretch73]
feelingafraid Offline

Registered: 04/08/08
Posts: 76
Loc: 5,471 FT above sea level

Edited by feelingafraid (11/24/08 11:51 PM)
Hes a little boy let him be a little boy for the boy we never got to be.


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