coop, i think it natural to make ourselves the subject of all these scenarios that we find ourselves in. however, we are all just one player, one character in a cast of thousands.
men grow up thinking [oops there goes ron stereotying again] that the weight of the world rests upon them, but things run most smoothly and on point when responsibility is shared. that's how trust builds; trust is the crazyglue of all healthy relationships.
lisa may not be wrestling with this in quite the same way you are, but i bet she would rather have you at her side carrying the burden equally, rather than expecting you to prop her up, so to speak.
something tells me she is much stronger that you are able to recognize at this point, but i would give her more credit, and put less pressure on yourself to carry the burden alone.
i think you should be talking with her about this, in addition to sharing it with us. she may, yet again, surprise you!
i am sorry you are having to go thru this experience with max. knowing your past history, your pain must be incredibly magnified to experience a potential loss of such a loved one, particularly because you never had much [or none at all] real love in your formative years.
i keep you all in my thoughts and prayers,
your brother in recovery,
Ron Schulz, MSPC, NCC